Showing posts with label sci-fi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sci-fi. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Future is Coming: Ion Engines!


Just when you start to think that space nerds are good for nothin' besides predicting our doom, they go and do something cool like this: they invented the Ion Engine! That's right! The envy of the Romulans! The workhorse of the Empire! (what, you didn't know that TIE stood for Twin-ION-Engine?!? n00b) On April 6th, NASA switched on the ion propulsion engine of their Gravity field and steady-state Ocean Explorer (or the much cuter GOCE!) and reports that it's operating normally! The ion engine is perfect for keeping this cute little guy hanging in low orbit so it can do its science thing. We here at G'Nerd are less about the science, and more about the fiction-so I won't pretend to truly understand what's going on here-but long story short, GOCE is floating in low orbit using nothing more than solar power to keep it up there. That sucker is gliding at an impressive 20 milliNewtons of thrust-that's an acceleration of less than the width of a human hair per second squared.... wait, what? Hurm... rocket car pancake this is not. But all amazing science miracles have to start somewhere. I'm sure the first lightsaber was really just a warm swiss army knife.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Some Final Frakkin' Thoughts on the Battlestar Finale


I've been meaning to write this for the better part of a week now-surely you all know that Battlestar Galactica ended last friday, right? Well, the 2-hour finale sat on my dvr for almost a week before I got around to watching it. It wasn't a chore; that's not why it sat like so many unwatched episodes of Dollhouse clogging my Tivo's brain. No, I just found it hard to watch the end of one of my favorite series-fearful of the inevitable disappointment.

Well, I've watched it now and have given it the proper time to sit in my head. I think I finally know where I stand. Now, I know a shocking number of people who haven't watched this show yet (certain other unnamed editors of this very site for instance... yes I know, a travesty). As quintessential nerd viewing, you people need to get on board. But, for their benefit, I warn you now: SPOILERS ABOUND. Don't click the jump if you plan on watching the series. Also for their benefit, a brief and vague summation of my feelings about the ending: It left me happy, satisfied, and thoroughly unimpressed... an absolute shame for one of the most challenging and risk-taking series on tv.

For a series that is founded on truly biting social allegory, the ending was shockingly happy. In that one regard, it was a bit refreshing I guess. No one you cared about died (other than the president, whose cancer already made that obvious) and we got to end smiling about all our favorite characters leaving happy. It filled my inner fanboy with glassy-eyed happiness. However, so would a movie about Boba Fett fighting Batman over a gold-bikini-clad Leia. Obviously some desires shouldn't be fulfilled.

As happy as the finale sorta made me, it left me completely unimpressed and surprised at the sheer lack of risks they took. Over the past few years, BSG has boldly tread where very few shows dared; disguised in little more than a thin Sci-Fi veneer. Evil, proselytizing, mono-theistic robots? Sure! Overt analogy to the occupation of Iraq with genocidal cylons standing in for the Americans and the sympathetic humans acting as suicide bombing "insurgents"? Why Not! A torture scene in which the victim begins to derive sexual pleasure from his torment! Hells Yeah! Apart from the lack of lady nipples and the word "fuck" (neatly replaced by "frak"), you'd be hard pressed to find a show this daring on anything other than HBO. I almost imagine they got away with some of this stuff because the Universal execs signing off on it never looked beyond "robots kill humans in space? GREENLIGHT!"

So for a show so used to taking risks and surprising us at every turn, why a lackluster ending? Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's your fault, hmmm? For a show like this, with mysteries lathered over nagging questions, is there anything that would shock us at this point that hadn't already been endlessly debated in some internet forum? Is there really any ending that could surprise? We've had years and years to think about these things (thanks to the agonizingly long breaks between seasons) so of course every possibility has already been covered. Unless they pulled some Grant Morrisson shit and had Ron Moore come down in the end and say, "I'm your Cylon God," there really wasn't much they could do. The concept of Baltar's vision being an angel has been talked about since season 1-so no surprise there when, whaaa? lo and behold she is an angel! Same goes for Starbuck who, once we established the last cylon wasn't her, had to be an angle type thing as well. Earth was pre-historic Earth all along? They've been talking bout that one since the end of the mini-series ages ago.


But despite all that, it started out well enough... great even! The first hour was exciting and had me at the edge of my seat like no other finale has since Deadwood. In fact, there's a moment where it seems like the entire thing might just end in a glorious orgy of violence and misunderstanding... which would actually be a pretty appropriate ending for the series. But then they get out of it ok and end up at Earth. No, not the Earth they already established as Earth... but our Earth. Earth 2 I guess (and not the one with the grey haired superman). APPARENTLY, as hinted above, the whole series took place 150,000 years in the past, and the survivors of the series turn out to be our ancestors on Earth. Cute if a) it hadn't already been a standing theory online for 4 seasons or b) they hadn't decided to use All Along the Watchtower.

Here's a serious snag. When you use a real world artifact in a series set in some obviously fantastic place far from our plane of existence, well, that should have some meaning. So when the final 5 cylons started mumbling the lyrics to All Along the Watchtower-the internet was abuzz with theories about what this could mean. Turns out, the song is just the FTL coordinates for Earth and apparently was written 150,000 years before Bob Dylan was born... I guess that means he was communing with angels when he wrote it?

And on the topic of Earth's ancestors... one last thing that really bugged me: This show has prided itself on portraying this fantastic story with a sense of grim realism. They rarely forget that the fleet is populated by a bunch of scared people who don't know the inner workings of the story like the main players might. Unlike other SciFi and fantasy stories, there isn't a blind allegiance to the main cast. Instead, these scared masses are a constant thorn in the side of our heroes-forcing them to make terrible decisions and shoot people and all sorts of nasty stuff. So forgive me if I don't really buy their sudden willingness to just ditch their ships and technology to live some primitive tribal life screwing cave men (which, yes, is what they implied happened)

Lessee, any other mysteries? Oh yeah, the shared visions of the President, Athena, and Caprica 6 about Hera? When the visions started, the loyalties of all 3 parties were divided and aimed in separate directions. It was a genuinely scary race to save Hera from these potential future threats posed by their "comrades". Turns out, the kid just got lost in the hallway and auntie 6 and uncle Baltar find her. No biggie. See, by the time the vision actually plays out in reality, all 3 parties are so firmly on the same side that there's absolutely no threat!

So, yeah, it may have been a lackluster ending. Its optimism and cheerfulness may directly contradict the messages of season's past. The clever and layered mysteries may have fizzled into nothing. But I'm gonna be honest with you, it still left me kinda on the giddy side. It certainly appealed to most of my baser geek instincts. You just have to come to grips with the fact that, oftentimes, the question is a whole lot more exciting than the answer itself. A series built on mystery is almost doomed to disappoint in the end. It's a problem that Lost is gonna have to seriously address going into its final season. But either way, sometimes it's nice to get exactly what your inner fanboy wants. It could have used a tad more Boba Fett for my liking though.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Ludicrously Complete Rundown of Geekanerdy Movies on the Horizon

Comingsoon.net has acquired a list of all the studio films that are being fast-tracked to finish production before the impending strike shuts down Hollywood next year. There are some good nuggets for Geekanerds on the list, most of which we knew existed but all of which you might be seeing sooner than you thought thanks to Commie unions. Here are some highlights, separated into categories to make pinpointing your specific Geek Fetish easier:

COMIC BOOK/SUPERHERO MOVIES!

So the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie isn't all CGI but still won't star Christian Bale and Brandon Routh. Really we don't know anything about this movie other than George Miller (Happy Feet) is probably directing it and Warner Bros. wants it done QUICK.

Of course, MAGNETO is on the way, written and directed by Batman Begins scribe David Goyer. Got my fingers crossed.

WOLVERINE! I really hope they don't mess this one up. The producer (who I won't name because he probably Googles himself and I'm honestly scared of his wrath) is a real bad apple, but they've attached super-reputable director Gavin Hood (of the Oscar winning Tsotsi) so I's gots me some hopes.

Somehow news of this has previously escaped me, but David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven) is directing a film adaptation of Brian Bendis' true crime graphic novel TORSO, which tells the post-Untouchables tale of Eliot Ness chasing a serial killer around Cleveland. It's a perfect fit with Fincher's style, and I'm pumped they're getting this one done sooner rather than later. Extra geeky bonus: Todd McFarlane is producing.

Hit the jump for tons more Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Retro Remakes, and Video Game movies...

Ah, Frank Castle. You know why you'll never make it in pictures? Because you're not doing anything that hasn't been done better by Steven Segal. Regardless, THE PUNISHER: WAR ZONE rumbles along with a new Frank (King Arthur's Ray Stevenson) and a new director, Green Street Hooligans' (what?) Lexi Alexander. The plot summary? "Frank Castle continues his crusade to punish violent criminals in America" Yeah...

Probably my fave on this list, Frank Miller's solo directing debut THE SPIRIT is coming at us. Gabriel Macht (Behind Enemy Lines) is the title character, with Scarlett Johansson as femme fatale Silken Floss and Samuel L. Jackson as shadowy villain The Octopus. Expect some wild Golden Age antics, with Robert Rodriguez poking his head in to do a bit of shadow directing.

Craig Mazin, writer on Scary Movies 3, 4 and 5, is taking a shot at the superhero genre with the film SUPERHERO! Yeah, I'm not going to see it either.

Matthew Vaughn's (Stardust) THOR is on track to land in 2009. Kevin McKidd (Trainspotting) is rumored to be up for the title role.

Based on Chris Kirby's comic series LOST SQUAD for Devil's Due Publishing (no, I've never heard of it either), this film will be "The Dirty Dozen meets Indiana Jones by way of the X-Files." World War II, experimental weapons, supernatural something. Comic movies are so hot right now. Directed by short film maestros Steven St. Leger & James Mather.

SCOTT PILGRIM'S PRECIOUS LITTLE LIFE is on the fast track at Universal, directed by the awesome Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz). The Bryan Lee O'Malley comic is a big hit, and the adaptation is in good hands.

This story of this project is a mystery, but with a name like YEAR ONE it's gotta be a comic flick, right? Okay, maybe not, but it is produced by Judd Apatow (Superbad, Knocked Up), stars Jack Black and Michael Cera (Arrested Development, Superbad) and is directed by Egon himself Harold Ramis (Groundhog Day, Analyze This) so it has to be good.

VIDEO GAME MOVIES!

The Mouse House is working on the video game adaptation PRINCE OF PERSIA, produced by Pirateer Jerry Bruckheimer. There is no director attached yet.

Another adaptation of STREET FIGHTER is on the way, this one with Chun-Li as the lead and Adrezej Bartkowiak (Doom) directing. When looking for a director to helm a video game adaptation, why do studios seem to think a director who has already made a bad video game movie is the right choice?

Also rumored to be directed by Len Wiseman (though probably not because he'll be busy with New York and they're trying to finish production before the strike), the GEARS OF WAR video game to movie adaptation is slated for a 2009 release.

Seth Gordon is remaking his AWESOME documentary KING OF KONG as a narrative film, and I really don't understand why. The movie was nearly perfect and dramatically compelling, but the reality of the situation was so absurd I don't think he'll be able to get away with it in a fiction film unless he makes a screwball comedy out of it.

Sylvain White (also attached to the Frank Miller adaptation Ronin) is directing the CASTLEVANIA movie, which focuses on the origins of the strife between Dracula and the Belmont clan.

SCI-FI/FANTASY MOVIES!

Disney is working on a remake of the kids movie classic ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN. The bad news is it's helmed by She's the Man director Andy Fickman and stars The Rock.

David Koepp (writer of Spider-Man, Indy 4) is directing GHOST TOWN, about a dentist (Greg Kinnear) who sees dead people (namely, G'nerd fave Ricky Gervais).

Scott Derrikson (The Exorcism of Emily Rose) is directing a DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake starring Keanu Reeves. Which is funny because he's alien character's name is Klaatu. Which sounds like Keanu.

Another remake from Dreamworks, FANTASTIC VOYAGE tells the tale of some scientists shrinking themselves and boarding a miniature ship to be injected into their colleague's bloodstream to save his life. Yeah, like Inner Space. This one's directed by Roland Emmerich (Independence Day).

New Line has a 20,000 LEAGUES adaptation with no director attached yet...

Daniel Clowes and Terry Zwigoff (collaborators on Ghost World and Art School Confidential) are continuing their relationship with $40,000 MAN, a spoof on the Six Million Dollar Man concept. Funny ha-ha.

The ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK remake starring everyone's favorite Spartan Gerard Butler and directed by Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard) is coming to us in 2009.

I hadn't heard of this one before, but the plot summary got me: "As a serial killer preys on mystical creatures in a dark Victorian city inhabited by drug-dealing vampires and fairy prostitutes, a detective on the case becomes the prime suspect in the murders." Sounds pretty cooooool. KILLING ON CARNIVAL ROW is written and directed by Neil Jordan (The Brave One).

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE is about a man named Henry Tamble (Eric Bana) with a gene that causes him to involuntarily time travel, and the complications this causes for his marriage to Rachel McAdams (Mean Girls). Directed by Robert Schwentke (Flightplan).

J.J. Abrams' (LOST, Mission: Impossible III) STAR TREK movie is fast-tracked and should hit in 2008.

Based on a Max Brooks novel, the J. Michael Straczynski (Babylon 5, Rising Stars) penned WORLD WAR Z takes place "ten years after the human victory over the world wide Zombie epidemic." Rad.

Sony has a listing for a film called ALIEN UPRISING directed by Wolfgang Petersen (Troy, Neverending Story). Nobody seems to know what the heck this movie is, but it's fairly certain it's not a continuation of the Alien series because FOX has those rights.

Another Wolfgang Petersen movie about aliens, THE GRAYS is about a secret alien race that governs the universe and who don't want to reveal themselves for fear of altering mankind's development.

MONSTER HUNTER is about a child psychologist who can see the monsters in kids' closets and under their beds. David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers, Shanghai Knights) is listed as director so expect a comedy rather than a dark and twisted horror thriller.

I'm a Robert Rodriguez slut, so I'm very pumped about his next flick, a remake of BARBARELLA. The only thing that sucks about this is now we have to wait longer for Sin City 2.

Paul Weitz (In Good Company, About a Boy) directs CIRQUE DU FREAK, which is a vampire road movie or something.

Another remake, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON is directed by Breck Eisner (Sahara) and is slated to land next year.

DRACULA YEAR ZERO is an attempt by Alex Proyas (Dark City, The Crow) to meld vampire mythology with the true history of Prince Vlad. This approach should be an interesting contrast with the Castlevania movie slated to come out at about the same time.

Benicio Del Toro will be getting fuzzy in THE WOLF MAN, directed by Mark Romanek (One Hour Photo). Del Toro is a great choice methinks, he showed us some really creepy faces in Sin City.

Walden is trying to finish shooting ALL THREE of the next three Narnia movies before the Guilds strike. That would be NARNIA 2: PRINCE CASPIAN (which is almost done), NARNIA 3: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWNTREADER and NARNIA 4: SILVER CHAIR. Caspian is directed by Andrew Adamson (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe), and Dawntreader and Silver Chair are directed by Michael Apted (The World is Not Enough).

James McTeigue (V for Vendetta) is taking on a film titled ALTERED CARBON, which is probably an adaptation of the Richard Morgan cyber pulp novel about transferring human consciousness from one body to another, prolonging "life" indefinitely.

No director yet, but the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake is on schedule to come out in 2010. The script was written by Lawrence Kasdan (Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark) so get your geek boots on and start stompin'.

David Yates is back to direct HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE, shooting for a 2008 release.

Warner Bros. is listing a Tim Burton project called SPOOKS' APPRENTICE, which is probably an adaptation of the Joseph Delaney novel about a farm boy who can see ghosts.

RETRO TV REVOLUTION!

The A-TEAM movie is on the fast track, but doesn't have a director yet. It's being written by Bruce Feirstein (GoldenEye, The World is Not Enough).

Paramount's G.I. JOE movie is on the way with Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) at the helm. In this version they're based in Europe and King Cobra is an arms dealer. Yeah, ick.

There is an I DREAM OF JEANNIE adaptation on the fast-track that doesn't have a director yet but is written by Cormac Wibberly, who wrote National Treasure and Bad Boys II.

No director yet, but the VOLTRON movie written by Justin Marks (writer of a million Geekanerdy movies in production like Super Max and Masters of the Universe) is on the fast track.

The retro TV comebacks keep rolling in with a LAND OF THE LOST movie directed by Brad Silberling (A Series of Unfortunate Events). Will Ferrell is set to star as the father of the family who stumble upon another world inhabited by dinosaurs and monkey things and the dreaded Sleestak.

GENERAL GEEKERY!

The Fletch "Year One" movie FLETCH WON has been bouncing around the Weinstein Co. for years, and had Kevin Smith talking about doing it with Jason Lee way back before Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Now it's finally getting the go ahead, with Steve Pink (Accepted) directing.

BOND 22, directed by Marc Forster. Who knows why they didn't get Casino Royale director Martin Campbell to return, but I'm sure the guy who directed Finding Neverland is just as good of a choice. Cough.

Apparently a remake of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, SEVENTH SAMURAI is slated to be directed by Justin Chadwick (The Other Boleyn Girl) and Wayne Kramer (The Cooler). Ugh.

The guy everybody loved in 2001, Kevin Smith is back with his first original project since the stinker Jersey Girl, ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. I'd love to enjoy a Smith film again, so I hope this movie delivers.

PSYCHO FUNKY CHIMP is about a guy who "buys the rarest of Pez dispensers, the Psycho Funky Chimp, a purchase that attracts vultures, thieves and fan boys." Directed by n00b Ruben Fleischer.

Jesus, that took me like nineteen hours.