Thursday, August 02, 2007

Albo Raids Cartoon Network

Yesterday I donned my ninja gear and snuck into Cartoon Network and Adult Swim's headquarters with my spy camera in tow to bring you back a gaggle of photos. I had to silence an unfortunate amount of hapless cartoonists to get out alive, but as Grandpa Witwicky always said, "No sacrifice, no pictures of corporate offices." So without further ado, your ninja tour of Cartoon Network:

After exerting a lot of ninja energy on sneaking in, I was greeted at the door by these two charming children, who said they would show me around and introduce me to everyone.

I was having fun, but I was worried I wouldn't be able to sneak anywhere sneak-worthy with these tag-alongs so I shook 'em and struck out on my own to do some snooping.

First stop, Designer's Room, where I was sure I could unearth some unknown treasure...

And sure enough I did! The first look at the cover art for the upcoming Harvey Birdman game!

I poked around in some animator's offices, but nothing scandalous revealed itself to me.

I decided it was time to move on to Adult Swim, and took the elevator to...

...the undergound tunnel which ran alongside the studios where unspeakable things are said to happen.

I came up from the depths and was greeted by a decapitated cartoon serving as an ominous warning to any who would dare enter this sanctuary of the damned. I swallowed my fear and braved onward.

The hallway was littered with the bodies of ill-fated adventurers, some hanging from their necks, others frozen in carbonite:

I could only hope I possessed a cunning they lacked.

I passed a particular office that I recalled from legend: When a hapless minion left for a vacation, his co-workers lined his windows with trash to create the illusion they had filled it completely. Just the sort of prank you'd expect from the Adult Swim villains, the confirmation of which came with an added realization: If this is how they treat one of their own, what will happen to me if I'm caught?

I tiptoed into the conference room, where plans for some sort of ultimate music service [weapon] had been scribbled on the board. I couldn't deduce how a drawing of Earthworm Jim and a list of great video games factored into the equation, but you can click the picture to get a big version you can scrutinize for yourself.

As I entered the playroom, the doorway slammed shut behind me and I was met with silence. A deathly silence. I feared I had stumbled into a trap!

And I was right! Robo-Security fell from the ceiling and surrounded me. A familiar voice came over the P.A.:

"Oh, Albo, you're so predictable! Everything has proceeded exactly as I have foreseen it, and now you're in my trap, from which you will never emerge... Alive! Gahahahahaaaa!" It was my old nemesis Merrill Hagan, writer for Adult Swim dot com as well as some comics including a Wrecking Crew story for the soon-to-be-relaunched Marvel Comics Presents. Also an evil mastermind. Thankfully I had packed my ninja EMP that day, so I used it to disable the Robo-Security from which I harvested two energy cores which I polarized to opposing charges using an electromagnet I ripped from the microwave in the corner and then thrust the cores together at the reinforced key panel keeping the door locked, whereupon they created a small but powerful reaction as they repelled each other with atomic force, compromising the integrity of the panel enough for me to pry the cover off with a ping-pong paddle and reroute the signal wires making any button combination capable of opening the doors, including F-Y-O-U, which I typed before darting out the door, smiling to myself over Hagan's screams.

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1 comment:

Degan said...

man, those adult swim assholes are tough sons-of-bitches... but nothing beats a virtual tour! So thanks for risking all... by the way, i'm totally using that dual energy core trick... i can't tell you how many times i've been in that situation wishing to God that these two energy cores in my hands had opposing charges... microwave electromagnet... Brilliant! Blofeld won't know what hit him!