Sunday, September 16, 2007

Ludicrously Complete Rundown of Geekanerdy Movies on the Horizon

Comingsoon.net has acquired a list of all the studio films that are being fast-tracked to finish production before the impending strike shuts down Hollywood next year. There are some good nuggets for Geekanerds on the list, most of which we knew existed but all of which you might be seeing sooner than you thought thanks to Commie unions. Here are some highlights, separated into categories to make pinpointing your specific Geek Fetish easier:

COMIC BOOK/SUPERHERO MOVIES!

So the JUSTICE LEAGUE movie isn't all CGI but still won't star Christian Bale and Brandon Routh. Really we don't know anything about this movie other than George Miller (Happy Feet) is probably directing it and Warner Bros. wants it done QUICK.

Of course, MAGNETO is on the way, written and directed by Batman Begins scribe David Goyer. Got my fingers crossed.

WOLVERINE! I really hope they don't mess this one up. The producer (who I won't name because he probably Googles himself and I'm honestly scared of his wrath) is a real bad apple, but they've attached super-reputable director Gavin Hood (of the Oscar winning Tsotsi) so I's gots me some hopes.

Somehow news of this has previously escaped me, but David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven) is directing a film adaptation of Brian Bendis' true crime graphic novel TORSO, which tells the post-Untouchables tale of Eliot Ness chasing a serial killer around Cleveland. It's a perfect fit with Fincher's style, and I'm pumped they're getting this one done sooner rather than later. Extra geeky bonus: Todd McFarlane is producing.

Hit the jump for tons more Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Retro Remakes, and Video Game movies...

Ah, Frank Castle. You know why you'll never make it in pictures? Because you're not doing anything that hasn't been done better by Steven Segal. Regardless, THE PUNISHER: WAR ZONE rumbles along with a new Frank (King Arthur's Ray Stevenson) and a new director, Green Street Hooligans' (what?) Lexi Alexander. The plot summary? "Frank Castle continues his crusade to punish violent criminals in America" Yeah...

Probably my fave on this list, Frank Miller's solo directing debut THE SPIRIT is coming at us. Gabriel Macht (Behind Enemy Lines) is the title character, with Scarlett Johansson as femme fatale Silken Floss and Samuel L. Jackson as shadowy villain The Octopus. Expect some wild Golden Age antics, with Robert Rodriguez poking his head in to do a bit of shadow directing.

Craig Mazin, writer on Scary Movies 3, 4 and 5, is taking a shot at the superhero genre with the film SUPERHERO! Yeah, I'm not going to see it either.

Matthew Vaughn's (Stardust) THOR is on track to land in 2009. Kevin McKidd (Trainspotting) is rumored to be up for the title role.

Based on Chris Kirby's comic series LOST SQUAD for Devil's Due Publishing (no, I've never heard of it either), this film will be "The Dirty Dozen meets Indiana Jones by way of the X-Files." World War II, experimental weapons, supernatural something. Comic movies are so hot right now. Directed by short film maestros Steven St. Leger & James Mather.

SCOTT PILGRIM'S PRECIOUS LITTLE LIFE is on the fast track at Universal, directed by the awesome Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz). The Bryan Lee O'Malley comic is a big hit, and the adaptation is in good hands.

This story of this project is a mystery, but with a name like YEAR ONE it's gotta be a comic flick, right? Okay, maybe not, but it is produced by Judd Apatow (Superbad, Knocked Up), stars Jack Black and Michael Cera (Arrested Development, Superbad) and is directed by Egon himself Harold Ramis (Groundhog Day, Analyze This) so it has to be good.

VIDEO GAME MOVIES!

The Mouse House is working on the video game adaptation PRINCE OF PERSIA, produced by Pirateer Jerry Bruckheimer. There is no director attached yet.

Another adaptation of STREET FIGHTER is on the way, this one with Chun-Li as the lead and Adrezej Bartkowiak (Doom) directing. When looking for a director to helm a video game adaptation, why do studios seem to think a director who has already made a bad video game movie is the right choice?

Also rumored to be directed by Len Wiseman (though probably not because he'll be busy with New York and they're trying to finish production before the strike), the GEARS OF WAR video game to movie adaptation is slated for a 2009 release.

Seth Gordon is remaking his AWESOME documentary KING OF KONG as a narrative film, and I really don't understand why. The movie was nearly perfect and dramatically compelling, but the reality of the situation was so absurd I don't think he'll be able to get away with it in a fiction film unless he makes a screwball comedy out of it.

Sylvain White (also attached to the Frank Miller adaptation Ronin) is directing the CASTLEVANIA movie, which focuses on the origins of the strife between Dracula and the Belmont clan.

SCI-FI/FANTASY MOVIES!

Disney is working on a remake of the kids movie classic ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN. The bad news is it's helmed by She's the Man director Andy Fickman and stars The Rock.

David Koepp (writer of Spider-Man, Indy 4) is directing GHOST TOWN, about a dentist (Greg Kinnear) who sees dead people (namely, G'nerd fave Ricky Gervais).

Scott Derrikson (The Exorcism of Emily Rose) is directing a DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL remake starring Keanu Reeves. Which is funny because he's alien character's name is Klaatu. Which sounds like Keanu.

Another remake from Dreamworks, FANTASTIC VOYAGE tells the tale of some scientists shrinking themselves and boarding a miniature ship to be injected into their colleague's bloodstream to save his life. Yeah, like Inner Space. This one's directed by Roland Emmerich (Independence Day).

New Line has a 20,000 LEAGUES adaptation with no director attached yet...

Daniel Clowes and Terry Zwigoff (collaborators on Ghost World and Art School Confidential) are continuing their relationship with $40,000 MAN, a spoof on the Six Million Dollar Man concept. Funny ha-ha.

The ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK remake starring everyone's favorite Spartan Gerard Butler and directed by Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard) is coming to us in 2009.

I hadn't heard of this one before, but the plot summary got me: "As a serial killer preys on mystical creatures in a dark Victorian city inhabited by drug-dealing vampires and fairy prostitutes, a detective on the case becomes the prime suspect in the murders." Sounds pretty cooooool. KILLING ON CARNIVAL ROW is written and directed by Neil Jordan (The Brave One).

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE is about a man named Henry Tamble (Eric Bana) with a gene that causes him to involuntarily time travel, and the complications this causes for his marriage to Rachel McAdams (Mean Girls). Directed by Robert Schwentke (Flightplan).

J.J. Abrams' (LOST, Mission: Impossible III) STAR TREK movie is fast-tracked and should hit in 2008.

Based on a Max Brooks novel, the J. Michael Straczynski (Babylon 5, Rising Stars) penned WORLD WAR Z takes place "ten years after the human victory over the world wide Zombie epidemic." Rad.

Sony has a listing for a film called ALIEN UPRISING directed by Wolfgang Petersen (Troy, Neverending Story). Nobody seems to know what the heck this movie is, but it's fairly certain it's not a continuation of the Alien series because FOX has those rights.

Another Wolfgang Petersen movie about aliens, THE GRAYS is about a secret alien race that governs the universe and who don't want to reveal themselves for fear of altering mankind's development.

MONSTER HUNTER is about a child psychologist who can see the monsters in kids' closets and under their beds. David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers, Shanghai Knights) is listed as director so expect a comedy rather than a dark and twisted horror thriller.

I'm a Robert Rodriguez slut, so I'm very pumped about his next flick, a remake of BARBARELLA. The only thing that sucks about this is now we have to wait longer for Sin City 2.

Paul Weitz (In Good Company, About a Boy) directs CIRQUE DU FREAK, which is a vampire road movie or something.

Another remake, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON is directed by Breck Eisner (Sahara) and is slated to land next year.

DRACULA YEAR ZERO is an attempt by Alex Proyas (Dark City, The Crow) to meld vampire mythology with the true history of Prince Vlad. This approach should be an interesting contrast with the Castlevania movie slated to come out at about the same time.

Benicio Del Toro will be getting fuzzy in THE WOLF MAN, directed by Mark Romanek (One Hour Photo). Del Toro is a great choice methinks, he showed us some really creepy faces in Sin City.

Walden is trying to finish shooting ALL THREE of the next three Narnia movies before the Guilds strike. That would be NARNIA 2: PRINCE CASPIAN (which is almost done), NARNIA 3: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWNTREADER and NARNIA 4: SILVER CHAIR. Caspian is directed by Andrew Adamson (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe), and Dawntreader and Silver Chair are directed by Michael Apted (The World is Not Enough).

James McTeigue (V for Vendetta) is taking on a film titled ALTERED CARBON, which is probably an adaptation of the Richard Morgan cyber pulp novel about transferring human consciousness from one body to another, prolonging "life" indefinitely.

No director yet, but the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake is on schedule to come out in 2010. The script was written by Lawrence Kasdan (Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark) so get your geek boots on and start stompin'.

David Yates is back to direct HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE, shooting for a 2008 release.

Warner Bros. is listing a Tim Burton project called SPOOKS' APPRENTICE, which is probably an adaptation of the Joseph Delaney novel about a farm boy who can see ghosts.

RETRO TV REVOLUTION!

The A-TEAM movie is on the fast track, but doesn't have a director yet. It's being written by Bruce Feirstein (GoldenEye, The World is Not Enough).

Paramount's G.I. JOE movie is on the way with Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) at the helm. In this version they're based in Europe and King Cobra is an arms dealer. Yeah, ick.

There is an I DREAM OF JEANNIE adaptation on the fast-track that doesn't have a director yet but is written by Cormac Wibberly, who wrote National Treasure and Bad Boys II.

No director yet, but the VOLTRON movie written by Justin Marks (writer of a million Geekanerdy movies in production like Super Max and Masters of the Universe) is on the fast track.

The retro TV comebacks keep rolling in with a LAND OF THE LOST movie directed by Brad Silberling (A Series of Unfortunate Events). Will Ferrell is set to star as the father of the family who stumble upon another world inhabited by dinosaurs and monkey things and the dreaded Sleestak.

GENERAL GEEKERY!

The Fletch "Year One" movie FLETCH WON has been bouncing around the Weinstein Co. for years, and had Kevin Smith talking about doing it with Jason Lee way back before Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Now it's finally getting the go ahead, with Steve Pink (Accepted) directing.

BOND 22, directed by Marc Forster. Who knows why they didn't get Casino Royale director Martin Campbell to return, but I'm sure the guy who directed Finding Neverland is just as good of a choice. Cough.

Apparently a remake of Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, SEVENTH SAMURAI is slated to be directed by Justin Chadwick (The Other Boleyn Girl) and Wayne Kramer (The Cooler). Ugh.

The guy everybody loved in 2001, Kevin Smith is back with his first original project since the stinker Jersey Girl, ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. I'd love to enjoy a Smith film again, so I hope this movie delivers.

PSYCHO FUNKY CHIMP is about a guy who "buys the rarest of Pez dispensers, the Psycho Funky Chimp, a purchase that attracts vultures, thieves and fan boys." Directed by n00b Ruben Fleischer.

Jesus, that took me like nineteen hours.

3 comments:

Degan said...

And after all that work, you somehow over looked the possible Green Hornet film that seth rogan and evan goldberg (superbad of course!) are cowriting. And Seth Rogan's slated to play the title character too! Unless that's all gone up in smoke already and i'm behind in my geekanerd movie news...

rachel.gottschalk said...

I noticed that Degan, and did some poking but couldn't really find anything that said Green Hornet was planning to actually start production soon. Frankly, Seth Rogen as Green Hornet has me shuddering a bit anyway.

Josh said...

The video game Far Cry is in production as a feature film right now. Directed by video game movie arch rival Uwe Bowel.