Imperial March on the Tesla Coil... with Iron Man!

Who'da thunk that science and geekdom would get along so well? This guy looks like the unfortunate love child of Tony Stark and Emperor Palpatine... and we're all the better for it. Enjoy!

Great News for Continuity Buffs: Sam Jackson in for 9 Marvel Movies!

There was some concern a few weeks back when Samuel L. Jackson denied rumors that he was slated to play Nick Fury in upcoming Marvel movies... well, Marvel must have offered him a purple lightsaber, because now Hollywood Reporter is hollywood reporting (yes, I've used that joke before, but I like it) that he just signed a 9 picture deal with Marvel Studios. So you can now look forward to seeing him in Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, The Avengers, Ant Man, The Stupendous Hulk, Spiderman 7, Power Pack, Doc Doom's Big Adventure, and My Dinner with Andre the Mutant... ok, most of those were fake-but seriously, 9 movies is a shit ton of movies! Do they even have 9 movies worth of material?

Anyway, this just furthers my argument that Marvel Studios is doing everything right with their franchises. Smart move on their part-I don't remember hearing any audience cheer more then when Sam Jackson stepped out of the shadows at the end of Iron Man.

Panel Discussion: Scans from Batman, Hack/Slash, Secret Invasion and More

Most Surprising Revelation - Batman #682
Who's that dapper momma's boy? Why it's that nice billionaire fellow, Bruce Wayne. You know, the gentleman that nothing bad ever happened to? In this alternate universe fantasy, we see that without the traumatic murder of his parents, Bruce Wayne would be...Clark Kent.

Disappointing sex, questionable cameos and rats... Lots of rats... After the jump.

Most Disappointing Sex Scene - Hack/Slash #18
The character design in Hack/Slash is one of the series' most endearing qualities. The girls have tons of personality, and resemble real people a lot more than most comic girls. And they're super cute.
So, imagine my delight when our bi-curious heroine Cassie finally decides to go all the way with her lesbian pal. HAWTHAWTHAWT! BRING IT ON!
Annnnd....what? This issue was actually drawn by regular Emily Stone AND backup artist Kevin Mellon, the latter of which ended doing all the sexy stuff. And unfortunately, his art is generic and totally ices the heat that should be emanating from this long awaited scene.

Cameo Alert? - Hack/Slash #18
So in this week's issue of Hack/Slash, one of the characters is attacked by a bunch of characters from...something? I see the Toxic Avenger, someone who really looks like the Amazing Wolfman, something that kind of looks like Spawn...um...the House Bunny....and some sort of weird Scud knock-off? Milk & Cheese show up later, are any of these other guys real characters?

Asking Too Much... - Secret Invasion #8
Alright, so the end of Secret Invasion puts Norman Osborn in charge of everything. He's the new Tony Stark, the leader of the Avengers and the Initiative. Ok... Everybody who's anybody knows this guy is the Green Goblin! Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but this is just ridiculous storytelling!

Creepiest Moment - Amazing Spider-Man #579
The setup here is that a bunch of people are stuck in a dark subway tunnel, and Spider-Man is pulling them up a shaft all at once and there's only one light and even though Spidey is making all sorts of troubled noises he insists the light be kept on the people he's rescuing. When they finally find another flashlight and shine it his way, we find out why he's been grunting so much. Ew.

Somebody Call PETA - Amazing Spider-Man #579
In follow up to the previous panel, Spidey kills all the rats by activating the Shocker's vibraglove (or whatever that thing's called... vibraglove sounds like a bachelorette party gag gift).

Can I Just Say Again... - Amazing Spider Man #579...how much I love Marcos Martin's Spider-Man art? I can? This is my blog? Ok, good.

Somebody Didn't Get the Memo - Iron Man / Hulk / Fury #1
Looks like whoever drew this movie tie-in didn't get the memo that Terrence Howard is out and Don Cheadle is in as Rhodey.

Did The Dark Knight Really Win the Summer of '08?

Summer is officially over, and what an awesomely geeky summer it's been! Giant green men, slightly-less-giant red men, robots, rich narcissistic superheroes, rich emotionally-traumatized superheroes... something for everyone! But which geek movie came out on top?

I think it's official, right? Dark Knight has definitely won the hard fought, Geek Movie Summer cage match. Not only has it been carelessly barreling through previously untouchable records, it will go down in history as arguably the finest comic book movie yet. Even the MTV movie awards (held early in the summer) anticipated the coming cultural landmark and created a new category with which to award the summer's runner-up, Iron Man: "Best Movie of the Summer... so far". Yet despite the unstoppable juggernaut that has been the Dark Knight, it's Marvel that's going to end up on top. And DC should pay attention and take notes.

While the Dark Knight was busy smashing records (and winning hearts), Marvel was busy laying the groundwork for a future empire. This summer marked the beginning of a bold experiment for Marvel... a fully autonomous "Marvel Studios." Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk were the first films completely produced under Marvel's banner (relying on Paramount and Universal for distribution and marketing only). Marvel is treating the movie business the same way they do their comics; a unified editorial board that oversees all the projects coming and going.

This is an extremely novel approach to making movies-and one that is sure to be criticized. But in the end it's going to win the day for Marvel. The filmmakers are given the same freedoms that Marvel's comic writers and artists are used to, but they have to conform their "vision" to fit within the greater Marvel Movie Universe. And this is what your average comic geek movie viewer craves. We geeks love our continuity. But it'll have benefits the reach far beyond the geek audience.

"Clearly, we got into the business of doing these movies ourselves because we believe in our vision for these movies," says Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios, in an interview with Newsarama, "and we believe that the success that we’ve had over the years is based on our instinct and our abilities to translate our characters. Now to be able to do that completely unencumbered.... It’s nice to have full control to bring these characters to life the way we think they should be."

It is nice. But granted, even if none of the movies they ever produce can match the individual success of The Dark Knight, is that such a bad thing? So far, DC's film offerings are completely self contained. And The Dark Knight especially so. There is no room in the TDK universe for Superman, Robin, a Justice League-nothing that makes the DC universe the DC universe. Hell, TDK is so aggressively insular, there's hardly even room for another sequel. Even the Nolan brothers have expressed concern as to how they could follow up a film like TDK.

While DC is building fences around its intellectual properties, Marvel is openly inviting their properties to play in each other's yards. Some cynics thought the Robert Downey Jr. cameo in The Incredible Hulk was a play for more ticket sales-but we geeks knew better. It wasn't a cheap ploy-but instead a brilliant maneuvering to create the sense of a greater universe. One in which Tony Stark could wander into a bar with Bruce Banner, and take a call from Nick Shield about Hank Pym's latest discovery. To make matters more exciting, they're using this character crossover to build up to the eventual Avengers movie... which has geeks every where salivating.

Now I'm a DC guy-always have been. I enjoy a Marvel title here and there (Bendis' Daredevil is some of the best superhero writing I've ever read) But I don't care too much about the Avengers... at least, I didn't before. But after Iron Man's Sam Jackson cameo and then TIH's Robert Downey cameo-you can count me in! And they're going to introduce Ant Man, Thor, and good ol' Captain America in their own movies. All in the same universe. By that point, I'll be chomping at the bit to see the Avengers.

Now DC is planning a Justice League movie. And yes, I'm excited because I love the Justice League. But you know what? Is there any chance it'll be good? The poor writers will have the herculean task of squeezing origin stories for Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, and the Martian Manhunter into a story that gets them to team up with a DIFFERENT Batman and Superman... one that doesn't fit into either the Superman Returns universe or the current Batman movie universe. That's the kind of thing that'll' bug not just the stickler comic geek audience, but also confuse the hell out of the general public. Warner Bros already had a hell of a time convincing people that Batman Begins was, in fact, not the same Batman from the Burton or Schumacher films (and thankfully so).

So Marvel has established for themselves, an incredibly easy way to branch out into all of their remaining intellectual properties. Sure, today it'd be a hard sell to get people to see a Hawkeye movie... but imagine after a half dozen semi-successful/successful Marvel movies, including The Avengers-you'd just have to say "he's the next member of the avengers, kids!" On the DC side, is there anything you could tell a kid to get him into a theater for The Green Arrow?

So even though DC may pop out a genre-re-defining masterpiece like TDK... does that make it any easier for them to utilize any of their other countless properties? Whereas, the time and effort Marvel spends now creating an expanding universe, will give them the ability to easily market any of their characters or even recreate any of the existing movie properties that don't currently fit in.

"The summer of 2008 has been a huge, huge victory for us so far, and tells us that people enjoy where our instincts are leading us so far." -Kevin Feige (pres. of Marvel Studios).

I just hope DCs paying attention. I'd really like to enjoy The Justice League.

Tony Stark's Cameo Used to Market Hulk

Don't watch if you want to be surprised, but the oft-discussed cameo of Tony Stark in The Incredible Hulk is now being used as the centerpiece of a TV spot for the film. I was kind of shocked that they would show their hand like this, until I realized that A) Everyone loved Iron Man, B) No one seems to give a crap about Hulk, and C) These people want to make money. Making it seem like Stark is an actual character in the movie might actually save this film from bombing. I'm a little afraid, though, that those mainstream viewers who don't read all the internet crap we do are going to anticipate an Iron Man/Hulk showdown and leave the cineplex a wee bit disappointed. 

The Iron Man Trailer Is Out; The World Asplodes

The trailer for Iron Man is out and the movie doesn't even premiere until May of next year. That's okay though because, like The Butterfly Effect, you pretty much get the gist of the entire story from the preview. After the jump, you'll see that I was able to retell the entire movie, just from the trailer.

****Spoiler Alert****

Chapter One
Imagine the reprise of a bad 90's heavy metal song (in the form of Hey Man, Nice Shot by Filter) thrumming as Anthony Stark (aka A.S.) forges something peculiar at an anvil. The terrorists that have abducted A.S. somewhere in the desert are holding him hostage and have given him one evening to create a missile to serve their evil deeds. But they are dumb and A.S. is a raging beast-genius who will stop at nothing to protect freedom. So instead of creating a projectile of doom, A.S. forges an indestructible suit of awesomeness... and thus, Iron Man is born!

The next day, as the freedom haters arrived, A.S. seethed in his underground chamber of a prison, awaiting to unveil his most surprising creation...

"Just open the fucking cave!" A.S. snarled.

And they did... cue Black Sabbath remix... only to be accosted by this...

Iron Man version 1.0

At once, the bad-ass heavy metal music erupted and gunshots flew in vain at A.S. only to be thwarted by his adamantine attire. A fiery inferno that projected from A.S.'s palms engulfed the feeble terrorists as they squirmed in an early decided purgatory.

"I am Iron Man!" He bellowed in a metallic Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque voice, "I am ultra-powerful, son!"

Then all was quiet on the Middle Eastern front...

...the war was finished, A.S. the victor...

...and peace and freedom once again reigned over the evils of Marxist communism and Buddhist fundamentalism.

Yes, dear readers, A.S. was [and is] that amazing. Even the boys in Iraq had massive man-crushes on A.S. and wanted to throw their panties at him... and seeing how A.S. never disappointed his fans, he acquiesced happily.

Eating good in the neighborhood.

Back home, he was the King of Awesome Town. He was showered with attention from crazy fans, all of whom he accepted warmly.

A.S. getting his groove on.

Chapter Two
But years passed. A.S. got bored. At A.S.'s tenth annual O.M.G.W.T.F.R.O.F.L.B.Y.O.B.B.B.Q., he found himself staring at his medium-rare fillet mignon in deep reflection. The flavor of life was slipping from his jaded taste buds, PTS from the cave abduction haunted his thoughts and General Hospital still aired on IPTV. The same emotions that caused Howard Hughes to build the Spruce Goose and Richard Branson to become a balloonist pierced his soul. At that moment, A.S. knew what he had to do.

He spent countless sleepless nights creating new and improved versions of his Iron Man suit, not because it was something he had to do, but because it was something to do. As he neared a refined prototype (red metal pecs included), he decided that becoming a vigilante with his creation would be pretty cool too.

Iron Man v.9.R - The "R" is for Radical

Finally, A.S.'s life was complete. The world slowly stopped spinning and evil ninja bandits running around in Staten Island were scared straight.

The End.

PS - Where's Brad Neely when you need him?

Iron Man Footage is Better Than I Hoped

Oh, delightful. This is the footage from the upcoming Iron Man movie that Jon Favreau showed to an appreciative Comic-Con crowd. And I gotta say, for a character I don't care too much about I am now officially excited for the Iron Man movie. Most encouraging is Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark persona, he looks like he's going to be a blast to watch when out of costume. Even the armor, which I was a little unsure about, doesn't look too cheesy in action. Him outmaneuvering the fighter jets at the end really got my blood pumping.

Iron Man in a Glass Cage at Comic-Con

Newsarama has pics of this Iron Man armor from every imaginable angle up at their site. I like this look a lot more than the plastic-y looking armor he dons later in the film. It has some real meat to it instead of looking like a cartoon.

Quote of the Week:Brad Meltzer on Comic-Con

Entertainment Weekly has a short but surprisingly juicy article about Hollywood finally taking notice of Comic-Con as a prime spot for movie promotion. Among the tidbits is this quote from JLA scribe and multimedia master Brad Meltzer:

''It's the golden age of geekdom. Hollywood has figured out the location of the supergeek clubhouse. They've jimmied the locks, moved in, and spruced the place up. And we're sort of sadly and pathetically okay with it, because they bring lots of hot actresses and nice film clips.''

Oh, the article also has this super cool pic of Robert Downey Jr. flexing his pulse cannons: Sweet!

Breaking: First Video of Iron Man in "Action"

Geekanerd correspondent Brice has tipped us to this sneaky video at IESB.net of either Robert Downey Jr. or a stunt double in full Iron Man getup. Lookin' good, I especially like the parts where the cameraman thinks he's been spotted and freaks out a little bit. Like, twenty times.

The World War Hulk Guide to Onomatopoeia

Hello class. Please pass your homework to the front.

Great. David's absent again? Does anyone know if he's ok? No? Ok. Let's begin.

Today we're going to be learning about some onomatopoeia you might come across in your reading. We'll start simple.

bip bip bip

Standard radar alert meaning something has shown up on the screen that may or may not be a threat. Chances are it probably is, so proceed with caution.

whakooom!

A powerful shaking of the earth caused by "something big" landing. Usually the Hulk.

beep beep beep beep

A progression of the earlier mentioned "bip bip bip." Indicative of an increase in threat level. Does everyone get that? I see some confused faces... Let me use it in a sentence to illustrate the distinction from bip bip bip. Let's see... Ok. "Sir! Where before my radar station was bip bip bipping because of an unidentified anomaly, now it's beep beep beep beeping because the threat has been identified as an INCREDIBLY ANGRY FUCKING INCREDIBLE HULK COMING TO KILL ALL PUNY HUMANS!!!" Does that make more sense? Great. Yes, Johnny, you can use the restroom. Moving on.

voooom!

A poorly designed spacecraft committing a party foul by interrupting the wannabe folk singer in the corner (notice said singer's disappointed face in the top of panel two).

spakoom! spakoom! spakoom!

Tony Stark destroying your apartment.

Okay, it's time for a

POP QUIZ REVIEW QUIZ!!!

Please review the following onomatopoeia and identify its source.

James, calm down and take your cap off. Judy, thanks for raising your hand, but... First of all the bell hasn't rung yet so please take off your backpack. And your answer was? The Hulk? I'm sorry but...

Maybe if you spent less time thinking about getting out of here and more time listening to me you would have noticed the difference between the strong, masculine lines of the He-Hulk's "whakooom!" and the shaky, emotional rendering of the Lesser-Hulk's landing sound. Pay attention.

...Class, I don't think you appreciate how EXTREME the Hulk is. To give you a better idea, I'll use an onomatopoeia we're already familiar with:
That's right, a series of "beeps," the same warning we got when the Hulk was coming towards Earth. That event produced four "beeps," the above event produced fifteen. And you see that last panel? That's an entire planet exploding. So to put it in perspective, the Hulk coming is 4/15ths as dangerous as a bomb that kills every living thing on the planet.

Ok? Everyone got it? No, Johnny, you just went.

So now with that in mind, here it is, the GRAND DADDY OF ALL ONOMATOPOEIA....

Can everyone read that? Let me write it out more clearly...

KRAKKABATHROOM!!!

Serious, right? So first a little background. Before the Civil Rights Movement, there was a system of segregation wherein different races sometimes used different facilities. In this case, there was a "Colored" Bathroom and a

***RIIIIIIIING***

We'll continue next week!