Wednesday, September 05, 2007

New Beowulf Trailer: Now With Marginally Disturbing Angelina Full Frontal

Beowulf's red band trailer was unleashed online today, and we all know what that means - the twin pillars of the modern American movie industry, Gore and Nudity! Here's a bit of the former, courtesy of Monster Crispin Glover, AKA the primary reason I'm going to see this movie.
You've got to pass an age-check before downloading the trailer, and not the fake, Please-Say-You're-18 kind. Those over 18 or those who know their mom's full name and birth date can check out the trailer here.

The trailer promotes the movie in the vein of 300, with a generic rock soundtrack, a familiar shot of archers releasing a volley of arrows, and scream of "I! AM! BEOWULF!" towards the end that matches "THIS! IS! SPARTAA!" in delivery and tone.

Oh, and naked Angelina Jolie. That's after the jump.

So the internet finally got what it so desperately wanted; Naked Angelina Jolie. Is it all we expected it to be? Well, no. The Beowful effects team seems to have made it their objective to de-sexify Jolie as much as modern technology allows, which extends to giving her lower regions the barbie-doll treatment and CGing her face on to another body. At least that what it looks like in the trailer. You can even see it in the screen cap - her head looks out of proportion to her body, like they either used a body double or completely CG'ed her body and stuck her face on top. But I'm sure there are those who aren't as picky about their celebrity wank material, and far be it for me to rain on their parade.

The rest of the character animation as seen in the trailer does little to illuminate why Robert Zemekis is such a fan of this Polar Express motion capture technique.

If I wanted to watch a video game cut scene, I'd play Resident Evil. Still, one can't discount the presence of Monster Crispin Glover, so perhaps there's hope for this Neil Gaiman penned blockbuster yet.

Related: Geekanerd's Past Coverage of Beowulf


Degan said...

"marginally disturbing" is being really kind. It looks like really bad 3d porn from 1998 (a particularly bad year for 3d porn). I shudder to think that anyone would find this remotely attractive-personally its turned me off of women. I can't even begin to tell you how much I loathe this motion capture nonsense... i pray that the sheer ugliness of this movie will kill the thing all together. Ugh this upsets me.

Bishop said...

Huh, someone decided that making a Diablo 2 cutscene into a full length feature film would be a good idea...