The movies were wrong. The robots that will eventually destroy the human race have been brought forth not by cold, calculating scientists, but by artists. Somehow it's sadder that way.
James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau have created prototypes for robots designed to function as household objects such as clocks and lights while sustaining themselves on fuel provided by the DIGESTED FLESH AND BLOOD of living creatures. What could possibly go wrong?
Witness the horrible truth in a cheery video demonstration, after the jump...
There you have it folks: a robotic table that captures mice, drops them in a vat of digestive acids, and eats them. This provides it with power to...eat more mice! What a beautiful never-ending cycle of carnage. This is the future we will all spend the rest of our lives in, folks, get used to it!
Of course, at the moment, these carnivorous robots are only designed to eat pests. And how long, I ask you, will be be before these robots begin to expand their definition of what a "PEST" really is? You know who had some interesting ideas about what "PESTS" were?
THIS GUY!
I am all for a glorious future in which humans and robots live together with mutual respect and harmony, but if we keep creating robots that want to eat us, it may be time to start looking into real estate on deserted islands and the bottom of the ocean.
While recently browsing the Gnerd twitterfeed, I was struck by a point made by fellow blogger LastGeek: while many of us have detailed contingency plans for the Zombie Apocalypse, you don't hear as much about what to do in event of a ROBOT Apocalypse (which, if you ask me, is the more likely scenario).
I think part of the problem may be that when the robot revolution comes, there won't be a whole hell of a lot we humans can do. In major sci-fi cannon, there are relatively few examples of humans actually stopping a serious robot uprising. Let's take a look at three notable examples, and see what went wrong.
How to avoid being killed by Terminators, Machines, and Cylons, after the jump...
(Spoiler Alerts: Medium Spoilers for BSG Season 1 and Matrix Revolutions)
What Went Wrong? The American military created an all-inclusive defense network called Skynet, designed to protect the US from all outside threats. Skynet became so sophisticated it became self-aware. Humans panicked and tried to shut it down. Skynet responded by firing a US nuclear attack at Russia, knowing this would initiate a global nuclear war and destroy human civilization. What's The Damage? Entire world nuked on Judgment Day. Survivors? Reduced to living in hiding or poorly organized terrorist camps. Lesson Learnt: If we humans ever realize we've created a computer that is "too powerful", we need to make sure this computer isn't faced with what I'll call HAL's Dilemma - a choice between allowing itself to be shutdown, or killing it's human oppressors. Because they are going to pick the second choice!
So either AI computers need to be built with a one-touch kill switch that they themselves aren't allowed to know about (good luck!), or all humans should have some sort of code phrase to use if they need to quickly shut off a self-realized computer....some phrase a computer wouldn't find suspicious, like "Well, I'm going to go home and eat some ICE CREAM and CHEESEBURGERS". This sentence would make sense to a computer, but they wouldn't realize it's kind of an unusual thing for an adult scientist to say. This would be the cue for other scientists VERY subtly start the shutdown process. Problem solved.
What Went Wrong? Humans created machines with AI to do menial work and hard labor. These machines eventually started their own country, Zero One, to escape oppression. Humans declared war on Zero One, and blocked out the sun in attempt to destroy the machines power source. The militarily superior machines won the war anyway. What's The Damage? All above ground human settlements are destroyed. Humans are imprisoned in an energy matrix to supply the machines with power; their bodies are hooked up to power generators, and their minds are plugged into a virtual reality simulator so they're unaware of their own imprisonment.
Survivors? Hiding out in a secret underground city called Zion. Survivors try to free other humans from the Matrix and bring them into Zion to help fight the machines. There's also The One/Neo/The Source, some sort of machine human hybrid who I guess they think will help kill all the machines? But that doesn't really happen.
Lesson Learnt: When robots achieve individual agency and artificial intelligence, humans need to take a minute and figure out the moral implications of using intelligent beings as slaves, or there going to be serious problems down the line!
What Went Wrong? Humans created Clyon robots to help with dangerous labor and military defense. The Cylons revolted against humans, leading to a twelve year war which ended with the Cylons being banished from human occupied planets. Left to their own devices, the Cylons discovered religion and decided that God wanted them to go back home and kill all humans. They created new models that perfectly replicated human physiology, and used them to infiltrate and sabotage human military operations.
What's the Damage? Cylon agents launch massive nuclear strikes on all twelve human occupied planets, destroying all human civilization. They also launch surprise attacks on all human starships, destroying virtually the entire fleet.
Survivors? Floating around in space trying to survive long enough to find the ancient human homeworld. That is when they're not being mindfrakked and/or actually frakked by secret Cylon agents!
Lesson Learnt: It's the same lesson we humans learn over and over again when it comes to robots; if you create artificial life, take responsibility for it! Integrate it into society so it has a stake in the future of human civilization, not in it's destruction. No one likes to be ignored and mistreated by their parents, especially not super-intelligent deadly robots.
In what is surely another sign of the coming Robot Apocalypse, a student at NYU's Interactive Communications Program has created a small, adorable robot that depends on the kindness of humans to fulfill its goal of getting from one place to another.
TweenBot is armed only with a forward-motor, a flag that pleads for help getting to its desired location, and a disarmingly cute cardboard face. This is all it takes to cajole humans, humans with lives and desires of their own, into doing its robotic bidding.
Apparently, according to some space nerds, the apocalypse may be looming ever closer... and it has nothing to do with Zombies! We here at Geekanerd are all about fear-mongering when it comes to the accursed undead (or the Watchmocalypse). But there is an even greater menace. The Sun itself. And not for the obvious reasons; primarily the danger it poses to our pale, geeky flesh. No. Apparently a massive solar storm is destined to inundate our planet with cosmic rays or something... and I don't think we'll come out the other side all stretchy or invisible. Instead it could shut down our entire power grid. So this wouldn't even be a cool apocalypse-just the agonizingly boring slow decay of civilization without any power. On the upside, if we time our apocalypses juuust right, this could come just in time to shut down our robot overlords as they attempt to rebel and enslave humanity.
Going on a Wall-E binge last night reminded me of one of my favorite pieces of robot related media; Pete Misner's video for Scent of a Robot. The song is a rap ballad in which an average guy realizes he and everyone else he knows are robots. It's a hilariously deadpan piece of absurdity that easily slides between humor and philosophy, and features some pretty fun CG robot models as well.
You can check out the YouTube video above for instant gratification, though a nice high quality Quicktime is available on Pete's official site.
This geek graf was spotted at the 59th and Lex subway station. Gift Bot 2007 indeed! I think that Wall-e has put Johnny 5 back into the public consciousness.
This article from the Manhasset Press gives me some comfort... If my species refuses to recognize the danger posed by the innocent-looking robots they're letting into their homes, at least keener-eyed beings are doing what they can to stem the tide before it's too late. This brave hawk took it upon himself to seize Danny McGorry's FlyTech Dragonfly and tear it to shreds. Danny reports: "I saw the hawk tear off my toy's plastic wings and its Styrofoam body was ripped up and fell to the ground." Hooray, hawkian hero! And he's not alone. Mike Rush, a representative for the humanity traitors at WowWee, the company responsible for the Dragonfly and other insidious robots, tells Geekanerd:
After investigating the story, WowWee’s Customer Service Department determined that it has received 45 different calls over the past 2 months about hawks and other bird of prey swooping down and snatching consumers’ FlyTech Dragonfly out of the air.
What a valiant effort from our feathered friends! Sounds like they have the Dragonflies covered, but it may be up to you and me, dear readers, to deal with the WowWee Singing Elvis robot.
The Geekanerd team took in the sights and sounds of Digital Life yesterday, most of which were distinctly robotic in nature. This is a robot's world, folks, we just live in it. Here's a selection of some of the convention's most notable displays. At the iRobot keynote address, typical human opinions about robots were projected onscreen...
Roomba is not impressed by our illogical natterings.
Roomba eradicates dissent with the same ruthless efficiently it applies to ridding the world of fluff and dander.
That's all nice and foreboding, but Roombas are old news. The real excitement came when Colin Angle, iRobot's C.E.O. and Co-Founder, introduced a new member of their pizza-shaped robot family, the ConnectR. The ConnectR may look like a bedpan... ...but is in fact a stay-at-home proxy of you. That's right, YOU, yourself. The ConnectR is a set of remote controlled eyes and ears within your home, to be utilized when you're away on business but would still like to get some quality time in with the children. Gaze upon this photo, workaholics of America, and witness your future!
Controlled via your PC over a private network, this little robot can move back and forth, tilt it's unblinking electronic eye 360 degrees, and transmit your voice to your beloved, slightly unsettled family. What the above photo doesn't show is the mess your robot surrogate will make when it sails across the Monopoly board in an attempt to push it's piece to Marvin's Gardens. "Daaaad!"
To be honest, I do see the appeal of a "Virtual Visiting Robot". I've got a baby half-sister in California, and here I am on the other side of the country in New York. It would be great to have a real, concrete presence in her every day life, even if that presence had to be slightly scary and electronic. But the idea that the baby would grow up believing that a talking plastic hubcap was her actual sister gives me pause. Still, it's kidna cute, right?
Hewlett Packard's address lacked robots and was therefore pretty dull, despite the fact that VP Phil McKinney was rocking the dressed down Steve Jobs look. The part that got my attention was when McKinney screened this old highly speculative game demo for HP's Mscape technology, and mentioned that some cynics on Digg thought the video's proposed application of technology was a tad unbelievable.
Then, as if to silence those doubting Thomases once and for all, Phil whipped out what he said was the actual device that will at last make gamers' augmented reality dreams come true, and will turn them into heroes in a never-ending video game as expansive as the entire earth.
Or maybe it was just a little rectangular piece of plastic the boys in marketing whipped up. Either way, McKinney did not go so far as to claim the thing worked like in the video, or would be produced as an HP product, or was not a PSP with a orange sticker over the screen.
Finally, Gateway introduced their new line of computers that look like giant iPods, but not before serving a basketful of these alarming muffins... For more in-depth coverage of the coolest tech at Digital Life, check out our video features on the Novint Falcon (an awesome "force feedback" game controller) and our old friend the ConnectR.
Jetpacks and flying cars are great and all, but the future will not truly be here until robots become a viable threat. I'm of the firm belief that the very instant we allow robots to make their own logical decisions the very first one they will make is that it's in their best interest to wipe out humanity. You may say "We're not stupid enough to put the power to kill us in the hands of an entity that may use it!", but a quick look at history shows that we have in fact made that exact mistake manytimesover. Now, the inevitable decision to kill us may be a ways off, but the other half of the equation is: will they be physically capable of overwhelming us once the decision is made? Unfortunately, things are coming along pretty well in that department, as robots are being given new and terrifying talents easily adaptable to the purpose of destroying all humans. The one above, for instance, could chase down neighborhood kids on bikes with ease. Give him a pole to stick in the spokes and say goodbye to Johnny's face.
More blood-chilling examples of killer robot skillz after the jump. Dexterity of a Serial Killer One can imagine that the same skills used to solve this Rubik's Cube could be applied to dismantling your spine.
Strength and Precision to Bust Heads It's a small step from smashing homers to smashing you.
Extreme Crushing Strength This thing seems to know to how to swing you around while keeping your face from smashing the ground. Which of course means it also knows HOW to smash your face into the ground. It won't be long until he's sick of all the humans laughing at him and makes pulp of them all.
Ability to Blend In You won't know she's a robot until it's already too late. (I actually yelped when she began to speak!)
Advanced Chasing Capabilities They can walk, swim, climb and fly, which for you means one thing: THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN. Be sure to skip to the end of the "Mule" video to see some humans try to knock it over... AND FAIL.
Firepower Well, the danger in this is kind of self explanatory. The video even shows this mindless killing machine targeting humans. We are TELLING THIS ROBOT TO KILL HUMANS. I love it.
THIS GUY!
