Ads Give Frightning Glance Into The Inner Lives of Social Networkers

These sort of "look at great things you could be texting RIGHT NOW" ads have been popular for a while, but I found some items in this specific campaign by...uh, blackberry, I think?...particularly disturbing.

So it seems that Mr. Brandon Childress has posted the following as his status update: "about to close a big deal, which makes me a big deal. Ha ha."

This is the most depressing status update I've ever read.  Let's break it down.

Battlestar Flashback! My Crazy Guesses for the Final Five

I'm well aware that all self-respecting sci-fi fans have already watched Battlestar Galactica in it's entirety, but I've only just reached the end of the third season. My laziness is your gain, because I will now guess the identities of the heavily promoted FINAL FIVE cylons, and you will be able to laugh at my stupidity, or in a less likely scenario, marvel at my near-prophetic intuition.

NUMBER ONE DRAFT PIX after the jump (with MAJOR SEASON 4 SPOILERS, obvs...)



Full disclosure: I have already been spoilered on the point that Starbuck is at least SORT of a Cylon, so I'll assume she counts as one of the final five. So I'm really only guessing the identities of four Cylons.

One more thing. I'm splitting this up into two groups. The writers could either go awesome with this and make really intense dramatic choices, or they could cop-out. The show varies in quality enough for me to think they could go either way, so...

FINAL FOUR: AWESOME EDITION

Billy
Why It's Awesome:
We'd have Billy back! And Roslin would totally lose her shit!
Why It's Possible:
The show is in dire need of a male cylon who isn't physically repulsive, at least when compared to the ladybots. Billy isn't exactly GQ cover boy material, but he's sort of cute and he certainly seduced and destroyed Duella (and Roslin, in a less sexy way).

Tigh
Why it's Awesome:
What sort of Cylon God would build a model so full of grossness and hate? Tigh is already nuts and ready to die, if he found out he was a Cylon he'd snap for sure and I'd love to see that.
Why It's Possible:
There was all that weirdness in his past with Adama, getting fired from the military or whatever happened behind the Scary Door...I was never satisfied with the non-explanation as to what was such a big deal, and why it warranted a million dramatic flashbacks.

Cally
Why It's Awesome:
Cally is one of the worst most boring characters on the show (and that is SAYING something), having her be a Cylon would totally spice up her life.
Why It's Possible:
Well, she loves her man! That's a very Cylon thing to do.

Anders
Why It's Awesome:
It's actually not that awesome, but he's the only other character I could think of that wouldn't be OBJECTIONABLE as a Cylon.
Why It's Possible:
Again, the cylons need a hot guy model, and he would definitely fit the bill. Also, what has Anders done for humans, REALLY? That guerrilla fighting stuff didn't seem to get us much in the long run.

FINAL FOUR: LAME AND STUPID EDITION

Dualla
Why It's Lame:
Dualla is a weak character who has never done anything interesting on the show except fret over boys, which is in fact a very Cylon thing to do, but there are no interesting ramifications to her being a Cylon. I mean, Lee would be sad, but who cares?
Why It's Possible:
See above.

Gaeta
Why It's Lame:
Again, a boring personality-less character, who is just under the radar enough to be poised for a big "surprise!". WHO CARES? It's almost as if they created a character, and kept him from doing or saying anything too engaging just so they could make him a Cylon later and not have to deal with why he would have been programmed to do anything unique or interesting.
Why It's Possible:
I think Baltar pretty much told him he was a Cylon when Gaeta came to visit him in his cell, so yeah, I think this is a lock. Booring.

Tory Foster
Why It's Lame:
Who is this person? Have we met?
Why It's Possible:
She's close to the prez, and she's inconspicuous enough to avoid any sort of messy plotholes the writers could be looking to avoid. And if fans cry foul they can just say, "Look, she was here THE WHOLE TIME, okay?"

Doc Cottle
Why It's Lame:
Just a boring, unadventurous choice. Yes, he's been in a lot of episodes, but having him be a Cylon leaves zero emotional impact, and feels very mechanical (haw).
Why It's Possible:
It makes sense; why not have a Cylon on board as a doctor? He's probably been impregnating all the ladies on board with Cylon babies for the last 50 episodes.

Those are my picks! Now to watch the Season 3 Finale and see where the chips fall.

UPDATE:

I watched it! A little from column A, a little from column B. I was really hoping Chief wasn't going to be one, because they already teased us with that prospect back in the earlier seasons. It's s a bit anti-climactic to find out, "Yep, he was right the first time." Also, he was in love with Sharon! Cylons loving Clyons? That's just crazy. I'm really sad that Billy and Cally weren't in the Final Four, because A) Billy would have been such an incredible mindfrak and B) Now I have to deal with boring Cally for a whole 'nother season. Oh well. Season 4, ho!

Charting Tim Burton's Hits and Misses

After watching the Alice in Wonderland trailer, I started thinking about Tim Burton. What's his problem, anyway? What went wrong? I believe all questions can be solved with over analysis and charts, so...


Alice in Wonderland appears to be headed for the fearful nexus of visually stylized camp, but hope springs eternal.

This Star Wars Flash Drive Just Blew My Mind

As noted previously, Geekanerd occasionally gets mail from the good folks at Mimobot, purveyors of adorably anthropomorphic flash drives and occasional gross misinformation. But their latest ad email utterly blew this Star Wars fan's mind, without even trying.


Take a quick glance at the new Mimobot in the center of this picture. Why, it's that evil jerk Anakin Skywalker, looking all mean and angry like he always does. Kid killer. He's clearly just been placed in his full body prison, the technological terror that is the Darth Vader armor. Neat.

But things are not always as they seem. Learn the eye opening truth about this figure, after the jump...


That's not the father, but the son! The jagged remains of the faceplate tip the savvy viewer that this is not in fact Anakin, but Luke's horrible vision in the Dagobah Mystery Cave. What threw me was the evil smirk - that's like the Anti-Luke face! I don't think Luke is even capable of making that expression.

The fact that I mistook Luke's little cartoon face for Anakin's really got me thinking about how scene at the Dagobah cave fits into the Star Wars saga, now that we've got the Prequels. If watch Empire without the Prequels, this scene comes off as a pretty typical "you will become what you fear most" sort of dream. However, if you watch the series from I to VI (and like it or not, that is how future generations will watch these films), the Cave dream takes on a new sense of dread and horror. With the events of the prequels in mind, there is no mystery about Luke's parentage by the time you get to Empire. So while we lose the "I AM YOUR FATHER" jawdropper, we gain a terrible ocean of dramatic irony. When we see Luke's face in the Vader mask, he may not understand the symbolism, but the audience certainly does. Luke is approximately the same age as Anakin was when he was turned, and the visual of Luke's face in the Vader mask now directly recalls the "earlier" visual of Anakin being sealed inside. These are the real stakes of the film; the possibility of two Evil Skywalkers running around the galaxy, being just awful.

But how similar ARE Luke and Anakin? Their personalities are very different, but much of that can be chalked up to nurture; Luke spent his entire life on remote farm with a caring family and Anakin spent the first half his life as a slave and the second half as a fanatically revered demigod. When you take this into account, Anakin's personality really isn't so bad. The only thing he and Luke really share is an easily confusable one-track mind, and it's this quality that played a big part in Anakin's fall. In the earlier scenes on Dagobah, we've seen that it's Luke's short-sightedness that's holding back his Jedi training, so the Cave dream is especially urgent. While Anakin was never a particularly likable character, Luke is thoroughly decent and kind, and prospect of his fall to the Dark Side is a lot more upsetting than Anakin's.

So yeah, flash drives! The Vader Unmasked Luke Variant is only available at this year's Comic Con, so if you're unlike us and have a ticket, stop by the Mimobot booth to see it with your own eyes.

When Robots Attack: Three Robot Apocolypse Scenarios, and How To Avoid Them

While recently browsing the Gnerd twitterfeed, I was struck by a point made by fellow blogger LastGeek: while many of us have detailed contingency plans for the Zombie Apocalypse, you don't hear as much about what to do in event of a ROBOT Apocalypse (which, if you ask me, is the more likely scenario).

I think part of the problem may be that when the robot revolution comes, there won't be a whole hell of a lot we humans can do. In major sci-fi cannon, there are relatively few examples of humans actually stopping a serious robot uprising. Let's take a look at three notable examples, and see what went wrong.

How to avoid being killed by Terminators, Machines, and Cylons, after the jump...


(Spoiler Alerts: Medium Spoilers for BSG Season 1 and Matrix Revolutions)

What Went Wrong?
The American military created an all-inclusive defense network called Skynet, designed to protect the US from all outside threats. Skynet became so sophisticated it became self-aware. Humans panicked and tried to shut it down. Skynet responded by firing a US nuclear attack at Russia, knowing this would initiate a global nuclear war and destroy human civilization.

What's The Damage?
Entire world nuked on Judgment Day.

Survivors?
Reduced to living in hiding or poorly organized terrorist camps.

Lesson Learnt:
If we humans ever realize we've created a computer that is "too powerful", we need to make sure this computer isn't faced with what I'll call HAL's Dilemma - a choice between allowing itself to be shutdown, or killing it's human oppressors. Because they are going to pick the second choice!

So either AI computers need to be built with a one-touch kill switch that they themselves aren't allowed to know about (good luck!), or all humans should have some sort of code phrase to use if they need to quickly shut off a self-realized computer....some phrase a computer wouldn't find suspicious, like "Well, I'm going to go home and eat some ICE CREAM and CHEESEBURGERS". This sentence would make sense to a computer, but they wouldn't realize it's kind of an unusual thing for an adult scientist to say. This would be the cue for other scientists VERY subtly start the shutdown process. Problem solved.

What Went Wrong?
Humans created machines with AI to do menial work and hard labor. These machines eventually started their own country, Zero One, to escape oppression. Humans declared war on Zero One, and blocked out the sun in attempt to destroy the machines power source. The militarily superior machines won the war anyway.

What's The Damage?
All above ground human settlements are destroyed. Humans are imprisoned in an energy matrix to supply the machines with power; their bodies are hooked up to power generators, and their minds are plugged into a virtual reality simulator so they're unaware of their own imprisonment.

Survivors?
Hiding out in a secret underground city called Zion. Survivors try to free other humans from the Matrix and bring them into Zion to help fight the machines. There's also The One/Neo/The Source, some sort of machine human hybrid who I guess they think will help kill all the machines? But that doesn't really happen.

Lesson Learnt:
When robots achieve individual agency and artificial intelligence, humans need to take a minute and figure out the moral implications of using intelligent beings as slaves, or there going to be serious problems down the line!

What Went Wrong?
Humans created Clyon robots to help with dangerous labor and military defense. The Cylons revolted against humans, leading to a twelve year war which ended with the Cylons being banished from human occupied planets. Left to their own devices, the Cylons discovered religion and decided that God wanted them to go back home and kill all humans. They created new models that perfectly replicated human physiology, and used them to infiltrate and sabotage human military operations.

What's the Damage?
Cylon agents launch massive nuclear strikes on all twelve human occupied planets, destroying all human civilization. They also launch surprise attacks on all human starships, destroying virtually the entire fleet.

Survivors?
Floating around in space trying to survive long enough to find the ancient human homeworld. That is when they're not being mindfrakked and/or actually frakked by secret Cylon agents!

Lesson Learnt:
It's the same lesson we humans learn over and over again when it comes to robots; if you create artificial life, take responsibility for it! Integrate it into society so it has a stake in the future of human civilization, not in it's destruction. No one likes to be ignored and mistreated by their parents, especially not super-intelligent deadly robots.

Left 4 Dead 2 Coming Soon....Yay?

This is What Crazy Sounds Like: The Music of Batman

Batman's theme song. What's the first melody that comes to mind? I'd guess that most of the world's population would go with the pop culturally entrenched camp anthem of the 1970s: ba nananananana BATMAN!

But for those of a geekier stripe, there are other options. The classic minor ascent by Danny Elfman, or Shirley Walker's emotionally wrought variations on the theme. Aficionados of the Nolanverse might even be able to recall Hans Zimmer's two note motif from Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. If you're a child of the 90s you might even come up with Elliot Goldenthal's booming score from the Joel Schumacher films; it's a far, far more recognizable theme than the average nerd might care to admit.

My point is that many fine composers have taken a shot at scoring the most emotionally rich superhero of our time, The Batman. An overview of these attempts can be found on "The Music of Batman", an album recently released by Silva Screen Records that takes a cross-composer tour of Batman scores as performed by the Prague Philharmonic. After several listens, I've come up with a unifying therom of what characterizes a Batman score.

Individual looks at each composer's take on the Dark Knight, and my shocking conclusion, after the jump....



Danny Elfman (Batman, Batman Returns)
As the first composer tasked with creating a dark theme for the recently re-imagined Dark Knight, Elfman knocks it out of the park and sets a standard that all subsequent composers had to have taken into account. The Batman of Tim Burton's world is a cold, intensely violent vigilante, who has the distinction of being the only movieverse Batman to actively attempt to kill the villain. Accordingly, Elfman's theme is that of a madman. The classic five note theme arcs up like a sneer, only to descend into a minor resolve.

The theme eventually speeds the pace up to galloping march, a headstrong "going to war" theme that could easily place in the mind of a psychotic with delusions of grandeur. This is just barely a hero's theme; there is something cruel and dangerous lurking beneath the false nobility of the french horns and string sections.

Elliot Goldenthal (Batman Forever, Batman and Robin)
Say what you will about Schumacher's Batman movies, but Eliot Goldenthal's score is solid. Goldenthal had the unenviable task of evoking Elfman's iconic score without repeating it, as well as creating a new theme more suited to Joel Schumacher's dayglo comic-strip idea of what Batman is about.

Given these parameters, Goldenthal's theme (making only a modest showing on the disc with the "Batman and Robin Main Titles") is a success. The motif still arcs up and back down like Elfman's, but the feel is much more grandiose. This is still the music of an outcast hero, but one who embraces the pageantry of his crimefighting ways.
Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight)
The fascinating thing about "Eptesicus", the lone track from Batman Begins, is that it introduces a theme not so much for Batman, but for Bruce Wayne. The first several minutes are pure sorrow, stuck in the sort of numb trance of grief that Bruce existed in before he realized his insane destiny. Only in the last 1/4 of the track does the music rise to the call of vengeance, ending in a fearsome resolve.

Then we get an idea of what Zimmer and Howard think Batman proper really sounds like, with "Aggressive Expansion" from The Dark Knight. The reoccuring "hero" motif is only a grim pulse of two notes, but it subtly captures both the menace and determination that defines Nolan's more realistic Batman. The track ends with a high tension "ticking time bomb" beat, which speaks more to the feel of the movie at large than the character of Batman, which is to say it is almost unbearably tense.

The CD also includes Shirley Walker's gorgeous hymnal reworking of the Elfman theme, Neal Hefti and Nelson Riddle's swingin' theme songs from the 1970s TV series and film, and even Christopher Drake's credits music for the direct-to-DVD Batman: Gotham Knight, which has lots of Elfmanesque flourishes and flat out repeats the first four notes of Goldenthalfs central motif.

The Unifying Factor

Every theme on this CD has one thing in common; repetition and momentum. I'm not talking about the simple repetition of a motif in a song; I'm talking about tightly looped musical phrases and that are pounded out over and over again. You hear it in underscore of Elfman's march, in the shrill, escalating string section of "Aggressive Expansion", and in the up and down waves of melories in Goldenthal's central melody line. These themes explore on the human ability to focus and keep going, no matter what. Even the campy 70s theme is fixed on a very distinct track, and I think this is because it's that sort of tunnel-vision stubbornness that defines Batman. Batman does not have the advantage of magic, alien technology, genetic anomalies or being born with the powers of a god. His only power is determination and mental sickness, and in these songs, we hear what righteous determination of a madman sounds like. Who could resist?

Stormtroopers Are Part of a Balanced Breakfast or: The Horrible Truth About Ewoks

No, this is not a real cereal, and yes, those are plastic Lego Star Wars stormtrooper heads. But if you put this in front of me on a Saturday morning, yes, I would still try to eat it.

On a related note, the sight of disembodied stormtrooper heads has made me realize something disturbing about the original trilogy:

I'm sure you recall the shot from the Return of the Jedi finale/Ewok Party Montage where an ewok is playing xylophone with a row of empty(?) stormtrooper helmets. While funny, I've always found this to be a discordantly morbid joke for this scene. I mean, it's all well and good to celebrate the defeat of your enemy, but defiling their corpses in such a zany way should probably fall under the New Republic's definition of war crimes.

Of course, it's not like our humanoid heroes who are responsible for this breach of the rules of engagement, it's those damn ewoks. This is what lifted the scales from my eyes and made me realize the horrible truth about what happened to the Imperial soldiers captured on Endor. For what did the ewoks do with Luke and Co when they captured them? They tied them up and got ready to cook them. I say, to cook them. Do you see where I'm going with this? The ewoks feast upon the flesh of their enemies. THEY EAT. PEOPLE. Jesus Christ. Those helmets are empty because the ewoks ate, THEY ATE, their P.O.W's! Look at that picture of the Stormtrooper Cereal again, and realize this is probably not far from what the ewoks were eating for several weeks after the Battle of Endor.

Thanks to Gnerd reader and food blogger Lena for the tip!
Via SeriousEats via Unique Daily.

Happy Mom's Day!

Your Geekanerd editors recently had a pretty contentious argument regarding Sue Storm and how she fits into Marvel's not-so-great track record of major female superheroes. I claimed she an example of how women on superteams are given the title of "the woman" as opposed to a personality, while Degan countered that she was the ultimate representation of parenthood in the Marvel U.

Low and behold, while looking for a Sue-As-Supermom graphic to use in this post, I came across an excellent article that explores both of our positions.

Via Fantastic Fangirls...

"Sue Storm is the perfect woman. Or at least, when she was created in 1961, when comic books were written for and by boys, she was the perfect woman. She looks like a Barbie doll: blond, blue-eyed, a figure to die for. She acts like a 1950’s Vassar girl: bright but the submissive caretaker, introduced to be sister, wife/lover/mother (Sue was introduced as Reed’s fiancé and fiancé promises marriage and motherhood, at least in 1961), and friend at once."

BUT...

"As many mistakes as she has made over the years it is clear she loves her children. It is clear she wants what is best for her children, even if sometimes she cannot figure what it is (and as a parent, I understand that failing). And it is clear she would fight to her dying death and beyond for her children and for her family. She is a fiercely passionate mother and family woman. And it is important to note she is also a career woman, but her career is (literally) married to her family life. While it is not something most working mothers can emulate, it is something most working mothers can identify with and that is all but unique in the medium."

It's a great article that reconciles both sides of this debate, and well worth a read.

Conspiracy Theory Theater: The Wolverine Leak

So we all know that the Wolverine workprint was leaked on the internet more than a month before it's upcoming May release date. Fox Studios has been in a major huff over the leak, waging war on pirates, yanking the print from torrent sites, and swearing revenge on the perpetrators once the FBI catches up with them.

But in this case of big Hollywood business and internet piracy, are things really as they seem? Geekanerd's resident conspiracy theorist has his own ideas about the people responsible, and their motives for the leak.

We've dramatized this theory for your edification and enjoyment. Spread it around. Trust no one.

A Very TRANSFORMING American Artwork

The Transformers movie came out two years ago, and its sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will become a part of our memories and lives on June 24.

I saw the Transformers movie (un film de Michel Be) twice, both times on tiny screens, and both times I felt a delight inside.

Reasons

1. On a small screen, you cannot tell what's going on for about half the movie.
It's like a beautiful loud moving painting; crayola-colored computer graphics made to look like space metalplastic whip around and fight each other and scramble about the Earth and her structures.

2. TRANSFORMERS appears to have been written by actual Transformers.


EVIDENCE OF THIS:

a. The dialogue.

b. As near as I can tell, the Macguffin that sets the whole plot in motion is a cube. The Autobots and Decepticons are fighting over a cube. The cube is power, it's raw power and if you put in it a transformer he dies.

Yes, a cube. There it is. Any wasteful specificity or detail (like if the cube were a secret code that could activate the Universe's Most Powerful Transformer, and the UMPT would then guarantee either eternal universal rule to the Decepticons or eternal egalitarian paxtimes via the paternal watch of the Autobots) would be the purview of weaker-willed, "realistic" Hollywood product. TRANSFORMERS DO NOT NEED YOUR BULLSHIT EMOTION-PRODUCING NATURALISTIC DETAILFLAGS, YOU PATHETIC FLESHLINGS.

(sidenote: I just spent 30 minutes on wikitransformia, it's called the All Spark)

That the new Transformers film has a title as proudly unoriginal as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen gives me hope that the sequel was also penned by Transformers. Transformer screenwriters probably transform into Macbooks. And then fold out into tiny white transformers who speed-wheel over to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and plug themselves into the espresso machine.




3. Characterization of Transformers
For a culture with daddy issues, there's Peter Cullen's Optimus Prime. Me personally I have a father, but I just really get the sense that Optidad Pops is here to help lost Americans deal with the pain of generational change. Has there ever been a voice so dominating yet gentle/kind as that of Optimus Prime? And Peter Cullen, FYI, is the O.O.P.-Original Optimus Prime.

Jazz. Jesus Christ. I get that Transformers, cause it's a product of 1980s white people, can't have a black transformer without being tokeny, but the execution here is just ridiculous, and yet therefore hilarious. IT IS POSSEEBLE that the Transformer DiabloCodies who wrote the '07 movie see the racial divides of our young species as worthy of parody. Was the name RapstarBasketball too many syllables? Check out the awkwardly unsmooth CGI moves of Jazz as he acts like Mr. Coolguy when the Autobots meet Samuel Witwicky (random human name generator on the fritz, is it, Scriptotrons?). And of course, in realistic 80s token character style, Jazz is the only major Autobot to kick the bucket. In the final battle:

JAZZ
You wanna piece a me?! You WANNA PIEC-

MEGATRON
No! I WANT TWO!!!
(rips Jazz in fucking half)

Megatron, voiced not by Frank Welker, the original Megatron from the 80s series, but by Hugo weaving. I kinda think Hugo Weaving did an amazing job as Optimus Prime's evil Decepticon brother, Lord High Protector Megatron.

You can find a clip of the Jazz murder scene on youtube (it's been recut for horrible emphasis). Has there ever been a voice so dominating yet rageful as that of Megatron? In the final battle scene, which I found confusing and awesome, Megatron shouts STARSCREAM!! at Starscream, and that angry bassy yell has been stuck in my head for months.

SPOILER


Frank Welker will be Megatron in the TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN this summer, by the way. My ears are peeled.



END OF SPOILER


So that's basically Transformers and why it was fun to watch. I'm still not sure if I want to see the sequel in theatres. I DO want to check it out, but if I can tell what's happening, what's the point? I like my Transformers Pollock, not Vermeer. So I may wait until I can somehow watch it on my laptop or TV, but I don't want to wait too long. They're getting restless:


Except Jazz there up front. He's dead.

PS this time more Starscream (the jet) please. Look at Starscream. Look at that. He makes Optimus Prime look like a a shetland pony.

Ten Moments That Make The Spirit Worth Watching

I saw The Spirit when it came out in theaters, and I enjoyed it in all it's silly, uneven, free-wheeling splendor. I was a little surprised by the degree of vitriol leveled at the film from the online fan community, to say nothing of what most film critics thought of it. I mean, was it just me? Had my critical faculties deserted me on the day I saw Frank Miller's directorial debut?

I took a second look at The Spirit, this time in the comfort of my own living room on Blu-Ray (coming out nationwide tomorrow), and I stand by my initial assessment. I don't care that the film bares more resemblance to Diet Sin City than Eisner's original series. The lack of plot doesn't bother me - there's more to movies than plot. What I see when I watch The Spirit is a collection of distinctive images, unearthly characters (matched by some unearthly performances), and action sequences that rely on a set of physics most commonly found in cartoon and video games.

The end result is not quite a movie at all, but rather a moving collage of what Frank Miller thinks of when he thinks of the Spirit. It might bare little resemblance to what Spirit fans think of the character, but for fans of extreme and indulgent pop art, Miller's vision contains several moments that should not be missed.

And with that, I present: Ten Moments That Makes The Spirit Worth Watching....

Plot spoilers after the jump, but again, why would you watch this movie for the plot?

1. The Giant Wrench (0:13:18)
During a outlandishly cartoonish fight scene early in the film, a gigantic wrench appear out of no where and is used to hit The Spirit in the crotch, and then as a ramp for the Spirit to run up so he can achieve the height needed to kick the villainous Octopus in the face. It was at this point in the film that I suspected the next 90 minutes would have at least some entertainment value for a person who enjoys slapstick and absurdity, such as myself.

2. Wordplay (0:18:00)
The following exchange occurs between the Spirit and one of his many love interests, with complete dramatic sincerity; "The Octopus knows something!" "Why do you say that?" "Because he just told me he knows something!" This got a big laugh from the audience when I watched it, and I have to believe it is an intentionally silly bit or writing in the vein of Strangers with Candy.

3. "No Egg On My Face" (0:23:30)
I have no idea who The Octopus is in the original comics. But in the movie, he is a crazy scientist who talks a lot about eggs. He is also Samuel L. Jackson's best role since Pulp Fiction. At this moment in the film, Octopus says he refuses to have egg on his face. He then shoots an offending henchmen and screams, "NO! EGG! ON! MY! FACE!....not a globbb!".
Then, in a whisper, starring at his reflection in his gun,"...not a glob." If there is one scene you need to see in this movie, it's this one. I mean, look at this. Madness on film.

4. Elevator Silhouettes (0:43:00)
Miller uses a simple visual gimmick here to spice up a short expositionary dialogue scene - three characters travel up in an old iron cage elevator, and we only see their back-lit silhouettes as they ascend. But is this live action? Is it animation? Is it some sort of aftereffects composite? Whatever it is, the body language is pushed to cartoon-level exaggeration, and it's a blast to watch. I'd love to see an an entire short film shot like this.


5. The City Is My Weapon (0:56:20)
This is one of the few sequences in the film that works as a genuine piece of cinematic storytelling. It's an action sequence that illustrates a central part of the story; The Spirit is part of the city he inhabits. As he fights off thugs, the Spirit uses literal pieces of the city in combat; snowballs, a manhole cover, the sidewalk itself. There are a lot of things for detractors of this movie to point to to tear it down, but I tell you what; ain't nothing wrong with this scene.

6. "It smells....dental..." (01:01:10)
When the Spirit wakes up tied to a dentist's chair facing a giant swastika, his reaction is my favorite line of the movie: "Dental and Nazi....great."

7. The Death of Danny Colt (01:05:15:)
Another all around solid sequence, this one dealing with a whole lot of exposition in a sharp, visually interesting way. Highlights include a morgue evoked with only a man, a corpse, and a red panel of ceiling, and a great POV shot of Danny trying to claw his way out of being buried alive (Miller's solution to the no-light-inside-a-coffin problem? Just light it anyway!).


8. "Get me a tie, and it sure as hell better be red!" (01:19:45)
When the Spirit cheats death yet again and wakes up in a ER, he just yanks the EKG cables right off and power-walks down the hallway with his sidekicks in tow. Lead actor Gabriel Macht made a fan of me with his performance in this film, and this scene is just one shining example of how he manages to nail a swaggering walk and pulp-noir growl with just the right amount of sincerity.

9. "We are locked and loaded!" (01:21:50)
Another performer who knows exactly how to play a cartoon character is Stana Katic, who plays Detective Morgenstern, a comically earnest rookie cop with a off-the-charts Bal'mer accent. In this scene, she whips out a gigantic gun out of nowhere that looks like one of those Zorg Guns from The Fifth Element, but MORESO. And it's a perfect character moment, because nothing phases this gal, she's enthusiastically unflappable. If that makes sense. Okay so maybe I have a little crush on this character. Shut up.

10. "Let's die!" (01:28:58)
Again, just another tip of the hat to Gabriel Macht for a killer line delivery. He's in Whiteout next, you know. I'll see it.

There you have it. Ten iron-clad reasons to check out one of the most maligned comic book movies in the last decade. And if that's not enough, it's also got Scarlett Johansson giving one of the most confused performances I've ever seen on screen. You feel bad for her, you do. You get the sense she couldn't stop starring at the green screens, and thinking, "This is not why I went to acting school."

The New Terminator Is Two-Face's Female Doppleganger

Did you know Helena Bonham Carter is in the new Terminator movie? She is. She's not in the trailer, but that's because she's got some super-secret makeup, which is actually not a secret anymore because a photo was released of a makeup/effects test. People seem to be treating it sort of like a spoiler, so I'm putting the photo behind a cut. I bet we'll see her in the next trailer, though.

As you may have gathered from this post's concise headline, she looks a lot like everyone's second favorite villain from The Dark Knight.

Hit the jump for a picture, and some weird nonsense bordering dangerously on fanfic...



I give it a month.

via SciFi.com

Geekanerd Giveaway! Or: The Power of Fan Democracy

Geekanerd is a fabulously professional website, and accordingly we often have big companies showering us with riches. And by riches, I mean highly caffeinated soda. And by us, I mean you, the reader.

The drink in question is Mountain Dew, which recently had a fan vote to see what color their new Dew, Voltage, would be (spoiler alert: it's blue).

This got me thinking about past examples of companies putting the fate of their properties in the consumers hands. There have been fails, and there have been sales. Let's take a look at fan democracy in action....

Marvel vs DC
In this epic cross dimensional war of the mid 90s, fans got to decide the victor of the fights. It was a chance for comic nerds to democratically settle age-old "who would win" debates once and for all.

Or not. Certain results were so unlikley it can only be concluded that fans voted along party lines, and that the Marvel boys had the majority. How else to explain Storm beating Wonder Woman? And we all like Wolverine, but taking down Lobo? The Main Man is an instellar demi-god who's held his own against Superman...Wolvie would be lucky to scratch up his leather jacket.

Verdict: Fail

More tales of fan power after the jump...or just skip to the end for free soda...

ReBoot ReLaunch
What happens when you give fans TOO much power? A curious example of this scenario can be found in the relaunch of ReBoot, which you may fondly remember as a smart and funny Saturday morning CG cartoon from the early 90s. When the property was acquired by Rainmaker Entertainment, the devs gave the show's loyal fans a major stake in how the relaunch would proceed. They posted five ideas for a new ReBoot web comic, each by a separate production team, and let fans decide on which concept and team would get the green light.

The winner was Arrival, which was generally considered by the voters to have a plot that stuck closest to the original series, and brought back all the original characters. But sadly, geek cred doesn't necessarily translate to quality, and the comic was ripped apart by the same people who gave it the green light.

Verdict: Fail

New M&M Color
Oh light brown M&M, we hardly knew thee. In 1995, Mars Inc. in their infinite wisdom decidded to kick their classiest shade of candy shell to the curb, and let consumers vote on the replacement. The winner was blue, America's favorite color, who we now all know and love as the cool M&M who likes to wears sunglasses, just like Poochie. I miss tan.

Verdict: Sale AND Fail


Mr. Payback
The self proclaimed "first interactive movie" was also the last. This 1995 slapstick comedy played only in theaters specially equipped with seatside remotes, which allowed you to pick the main character's decisions for him. Hey, we all loved choose your own adventure books when we were kids, same thing, right?

"NO!" screamed film critics. The mere idea of allowing an audience to steer the course of a film offended anyone who worshiped at the altar of the capital a Auteur. Critics might have given it a bit more of a chance if the film hadn't been a completely horrible piece of early nineties trash, but it bombed bad enough to put off anyone who might have improved on the gimmick.

Verdict: Mega Fail!


Jason Todd
This is the big one. Long before Cap and Superman's "deaths" made headlines, the news was picking up the story of the Boy Wonder's fan-mandated death as proof that comic geeks are not only uncool, but sadistically disturbed. The more subtle truth is that A)The robin who died was a mean little impostor to Dick Grayson's throne, and not the beloved sidekick most of America knows and loves and B)Even then, the vote was very close.

This also happens to be a case in which fans made the right choice: offing Jason addressed the irresponsibility of Batman's decision to train child apprentices, and gave the Dark Knight a new degree of doubt and humility. It also gave us Tim Drake, a smarter, more interesting Robin, and got rid of that Jason brat for a good decade or so. Those were the days.

Verdict: Sale!


So where will Voltage fall in this grand tradition of product/consumer synergy? That's for us to decide. And you can sample Dewmocracy in action on us.

Email us at Tips@GeekanerdBlog.com with a fan vote we missed, or one you think needs to happen. We'll pick the most interesting submission and the folks at Mountain Dew will send them a free case of sweet, sweet, blue caffeine juice. Contest ends Friday, April 5th.

Five Things I Learned About Playstation Home

There's been a lot of to-do about Playstation Home these days, and exactly how many PS3ers are actually logging on to Playstation's attempt to merge the narcissistic thrill of creating a Mii with the empowerment fantasy of Warcraft with the creepy consumerism of Second Life. Five million have joined, but does anybody actually hang out?

I decided to overcome my crippling fear of anything resembling Second Life and check out P3's digital realm from corner to corner. Here are the five most interesting things I learned.

5. Someone Had a Lot of Fun Turning Resident Evil 5 Into Universal Studios

When you log into Resident Evil 5 World, not only do you get to take your Home avatar on a sightseeing tour of the first level, you get to pretend you're on on the game's  actual"set", complete with director's chairs, lights, scaffolding, and gigantic green screens.  Artificial artiface....we media studies nerds love this crap.
This is an awesome idea.  I wish they would take it even further, with zombie extras walking around half in costume, drinking coffee and eating off of craft service tables.  What if they had a NPC Chris Redfield walking around, out of character, and you could line up and take your picture with him?  Also there should be a snack stand.  Basically, I just really like Universal Studios, and I would like to see it pulled even further in that direction.  Some sort of water rollercoaster would also be cool.



4. Lots of People Use This Thing as a Dating Sim

I saw so many people on avatar-dates. It's scary how easily people can transfer stereoyptical social interaction, like hanging out at a mall, into a virtual setting. In the main plaza of home, there's a movie theater you can enter to watch trailers for terrible movies, like Knowing. While looking around the theater, I saw a boy and a girl sitting down in seats, watching the trailers, and chatting to each other about their feelings and stuff. I also saw another couple seemingly in a fight, perhaps on the verge of breaking up.  The guy was apologizing a lot, I'll say that much.  

It's all well and good to date a computer character, but my question is; why would you conduct your internet relationship in a public place, where any 12 year old nerd can interrupt your deep emotional conversation by humping your leg or breakdancing in the six inches of space between you and your sweetie? I guess what I'm saying is, get a room, people.

3. Red Bull Land Has A Terrorist Training Program!

The Red Bull world is a nice place - it's a beautiful sunlit island with a boardwalk surrounding a lovely white beach that you can't actually walk on.  You can also rent a Red Bull glider and race the pros around this tropical paradise. Or if competition isn't your thing, you can veer off the course and crash you plane into the public square in a magnificent fireball, over, and over, and over again. Surely I am not the only person who thought to do this.

2. There Are Way Too Many Options For Character Creation

I am something of an artiste when it comes to creating avatars. All my friends come to me to design their Miis, or their Rock Band characters, or their Xbox Guys, or whathaveyou. But the character creator in Home is freaking out of control. You can basically make a near photo-realistic CG model of yourself, if you feel like spending 45 minutes to do so. And once you do, what then? Do you really want to see a scarily accurate version of yourself running around the uncanny valley, bumping into walls and getting leg-humped by people wearing street fighter costumes? I certainly don't. Besides, gamers have enough trouble drawing the line between the real and unreal. This is going to make people jump out some windows.

1. Home Is A Soulless Dystopia

What does one's life consist of in Home? Looking at placid bodies of water, staring up at towering white architecture plastered with ads, buying things for your apartment, and having short conversations with other CG people, and trying not to stare too hard into their cold, lifeless eyes.

So that's my impression of Home. Some hits, some misses. The level of tolerability of any online community usually depends on the median IQ of the people who inhabit it, and the people I saw on Home struck me as surprisingly polite (saw almost no griefers or heavily censored text balloons) and not too set on making waves, adding to the overall dystopian effect. There is definitely a lot of room for home to become much more interesting and much more creepy, and I don't doubt it will get there. Just don't get hooked by buying pretend yuppie furniture and clothes with real money. You will be tempted. Resist.

ITEM! Obama Makes British Prime Minister Watch Star Wars

So about a week ago, the Prime Minister Gordon Brown came to the White House to talk to Obama about, I don't know, the economy, probably? The details of their meeting do not concern us, but what does, is the contents of the world-leadery gifts they exchanged.

Brown gave Obama some a pencil holder made out of a Historically Important Boat, while Obama gave Brown a "specially ordered" AFI 25 Greatest American Movie DVD Set.

Okay, now before we all start hemming and hawing about how incredibly lame it is to give someone a freakin' DVD in this day and age, bare with me. The important thing about this gift is the movies that were included in the set, according to the Daily Mail (verifiable accuracy not included):


Please note #13 on the list...little movie called STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE.

THAT'S why Obama didn't give him the movies on Blu-ray! This whole "25 DVD Set" is just the first step in a plan to make all the world leaders watch Star Wars, which as we all know, is not currently available on Blu-ray.

I think basically Obama must be a closet Star Wars fan (he was fifteen when New Hope came out, nuff said?), and is surreptitiously trying to get all the other world leaders to watch the movies again so he has someone to talk about them with (his kids are probably into like Twilight or something).

How I think Gordon and Obama's next meeting might go, after the jump...



Just one question remains...was it the Special Edition?

Tracing the Lineage of Doctor Leo Spaceman

Exhibit A: Doctor Leo Spaceman


I'm sure we're all familiar with Dr. Spaceman, the resident physician/dentist/drug dealer for the employees of 30 Rock. This was the only YouTube video I could find, which is sad because it misses a lot of his best lines, such as:

(explaining why he can't inject adrenaline into a man's heart)"
"Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is.

(explaining why his lab coat is covered in blood)
"Oh, I was at a costume party earlier this evening, and the hostess's dog attacked me, so..... I had to stab it."

(after Tracey asks him if DNA test results will help him remember his Pin Number)"
"Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be."

Good stuff. But what creative well did spring such a character? Let's take a look at this 1999 Saturday Night Live sketch, which happens to coincide with Tina Fey's first year as head writer.

Exhibit B: Bad Doctor SNL Sketch



My shocking conclusion after the jump..


I would posit this character is the origin of Doctor Spaceman. HEAR ME OUT. While Bad Doctor is a good bit nastier than the always upbeat Doctor Spaceman, they both share a particularly grandiose way of delivering their extremely absurd lines. It's notable as well that Chris Parnell who portrays Doctor Spaceman plays the patient in the bad doctor sketch, and I'd be really curious to know who came up with the original idea. I'm 99% sure it's Parnell. That man is a genius. You know Lazy Sunday was all him, right? I mean, look at this:



And now look at what Samberg and the other Lonley Island guys came up with with a huge budget, T-Pain, and probably writers.



Not as good. Just not as good.

In conclusion, Chris Parnell is awesome and invented Doctor Spaceman in 1999.

Notes From The AMC Best Picture Showcase

On Saturday, I watched all five Best Picture nominees for this year's Oscars as part of the AMC Best Picture Showcase. The first film started at 10:30am, and the day wrapped up at fifteen to midnight.

The single most interesting thing I observed:

All five nominees feature at least one scene of rear male nudity. Milk and The Reader present this nudity in a sexual context, while Slumdog, Benjamin Button, and Frost/Nixon use it for comic effect. 2008 will be truly be remembered as the Year of Man Butts. This is perhaps the true reason Wall-e and The Dark Knight were not nominated.

More notes and observations on this year's crop of Best Picture noms, after the jump....

SPOILER WARNING: Plot points are discussed.

Male nudity aside, here are some other qualities the Best Picture noms share...

Each film is set in a notably troubled time. It's not just individual characters who are suffering, it's the society they live in at large.

• Milk: The American Gay Community vs intolerance.
• The Reader: Post-War Germany vs holocaust guilt.
• Benjamin Button: New Orleans vs Hurricane Katrina.
• Slumdog Millionaire: Impoverished youth of India vs Exploitation.
• Frost/Nixon: America vs The Corruption of Their Political Leaders.

Four films feature prominent references to opera. Frost/Nixon is the only one that doesn't.

Three films feature suicide, and two of those are by hanging.

Two films feature brothels. In Benjamin Button, it is presented cheerfully and positively. In Slumdog, not so much.

Only one film is set in the modern era - Slumdog Millionaire. It's also the only film to feature any cinematic storytelling techniques that have been invented since 1940.

None of of the films feature interesting parts for women. Even Kate Winslet's character in The Reader, which she'll probably get an Oscar for, gives her very few opportunities to express anything internal. She's an illiterate ex-nazi who has awesome sex with a fifteen year old boy, and really, there's not much more we learn about her other than that. We only see her as she relates to her young lover, who is the film's true focus. In Slumdog, Ben Button, and Frost/Nixon, the prominent female characters are the objects of desire for the protagonist, and that's it. There are no women in Milk, except for a lesbian with two lines. Not a great year for ladies in film, is all I'm saying.

Notes On The Experience

I slept through at least 1/3 of Benajmin Button, and missed the part where he gets young and sexy entirely (I woke up when he was a pimply teen). I do not feel I missed out on much.

Everyone who got a full-day pass got a refillable Watchmen popcorn bag. I expected to be dipping in and out of the concession stand all day, but as it turns out one large bag of popcorn is the maximum a human being can consume in a 24-hour period.

Just before the Reader's climactic scene, where Ralph Finnes goes to visit Kate Winslet in jail, the film caught fire and burned a hole in the middle of the frame! It looks EXACTLY like it does when it's done as a special effect - big red burn in the middle of the image that spreads outward until all that's left on screen is a big while hole framed by crinkley black ashes. It was AWESOME. The audience was very good natured about it, A. because it looked so cool, and B. to AMC's credit, they fixed it surprisingly quickly - the break lasted less than five minutes and the film picked up right where we left off. This is why I love AMC - if it had been a Regal Theater, they would have kept us waiting for two hours before they told us to go home. AMC FTW.

Headache set in at the end of Slumdog, but I had prepared by bringing a huge bottle of advil.

I tried to Twitter throughout the showcase using a tmobile daypass for internet access, but it didn't work. Even after calling tech support, nothing. I hate you tmobile. I hate you forever.

With all five films fresh in my mind, I can safey say that only Milk and Slumdog seem even remotely like Best Picture Material.

Frost/Nixon is entertaining, but less a like a great movie than the sort of slightly cheesey and heavily plot based movie that I'd enjoy watching every now and then on TNT while working at home.

Ben Button is boring and souless and does not even feature very impressive special effects. When he's in old-kid makeup, his proportions are always way off. I know this movie cost a billion dollars to make and is a drama, but surely those are not the ONLY qualifications to get a Best Picture nom ?

The Reader at first seems to be a really interesting metaphor for post-war German guilt; Kate Winslett IS the holocaust! The kid IS post-war Germany! But about half way through it turns out it's really just a movie about the dangers of illiteracy in middle class women.

I really liked Milk, and it definitely makes an effective mark as the first Major Hollywood Gay Civil Rights Movie. I'm also really happy to see the gay kid from High School Musical has managed to score a role in which his character can be openly gay. This is progress.

Slumdog is the most entertaining, exciting, and inventive film nominated. There are problems, it's not a masterpiece, but it's the best of the bunch. I'm glad it's going to win.

All that said, Dark Knight was robbed. If the Academy can nominate the boring piece of trash like Lord of the Rings 3 (seriously, what was going on?), they certainly could have nominated Dark Knight, a thoughtful, mesmerizing, and occasionally very artful action movie. Your day will come, Nolan. One day, we'll show them all.

Item! Mimobot Ad Copy Spreads Inaccuracies About Boba Fett!

Please take a look at this Boba Fett Mimobot ad I received today and see if you can tell what's worked me into a fit of nerd rage.

Can you believe that?  I mean, who fact checks this stuff?  Did the copy editor call in sick?  

MANDALORIA?  *snort*  Where's that?  Somewhere in made-up fantasy land? I seriously doubt Boba Fett is headed back to Mandaloria.  Because Mandaloria is not a place that exists.  How can he be going to a place that doesn't exist?  He can't.  It's impossible.

Maybe he's on his way to MANDALORE, his adopted home planet and base of operations.  That sounds like a more likely scenario to me, in all honesty.

JEEZ.

PS:  If you'd like to own that promotionally incorrect yet still undeniably attractive flash drive (the helmet comes off and you can see his face!), head over to the online Mimobot Store.

DC I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down

Dan DiDio, you've been made a fool.

SPOILER ALERT for Final Crisis #6 after the jump...


DC Comics, you blew it! You took your best shot at a mainstream press event since Jason fucking Todd, and you blew it!

Remember this?


Sure you do, cause it was big news! The Death of Captain America! A sad commentary on the Post-9/11 world! Collectors item!

Well, this Wednesday, DC went ahead and killed Batman. That's right, they offed Bruce Wayne, good old crazybrain, everyone's favorite agreived sociopathic hero.

This should, by all rights, be big news. Batman is a huge character. Roughly 17 times as popular as Captain America. And now he's dead. People should be weeping. Remember when Superman died? People were horrified. And at this point, what with the Dark Knight, Batman is a BIGGER, more recognizable character than Superman. He is, perhaps, the MOST FAMOUS comic book character in the world.

How did DC manage to kill the most famous superhero in the world without anyone noticing?

Let me count the ways:

1) OBAMA!

Marvel completely pwned DC this Wednesday, and they didn't even have to try. They simply put out a comic in which Spider-Man meets Obama. It's practically a goof, based on the fact that Obama has said on several occasions he collected Spider-Man comics when he was a kid.

And what happened? Lines out the door! 1st and 2nd printing sold out in hours! ebay auctions for hundreds of dollars! I want to give Joe Quesada a gold medal to wear that says "I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT". America is at a major turning point, and people want to see their cool new future prez fist-bump with Spidey! It's called monitoring the national mood, DC, look into it.

2) Batman CAN'T BE DEAD!

Batman isn't dead - we all know Nolan's third movie is coming out in a few years! Plus I could have sworn I just saw him on Brave and the Bold a few days ago. If you told someone on the street that Batman died on Wednesday, they'd react like you told them Santa Claus died on Wednesday. Batman is too big a character to die - what he does in DC is just a blip on the radar of the American public.

Killing Batman in the comics is admitting that no one at DC could figure out how to make people pick up a Batman comic, DESPITE the fact The Dark Knight was seen by every person in American three times.  People who saw the Dark Knight don't want to read about Jason Todd and Tim Drake ("Who??") battling for the cowl.  They want to read about Christian Bale's facinating new "dark" take on Batman!  Talk about EPIC FAIL.

3) DEATH FATIGUE

DC has killed roughly every single one of their characters in the last few years, including:

The Flash
Martain Manhunter
The Elastic Man
The Wonder Twins
The Ventriloquist
All The New Gods

That's like half of the Justice League right there.

4) RESURRECTION FATIGUE

DC has brought back roughly every single one of their dead characters in the last few years, including:

Jason Todd
Stephanie Brown
Barry Allen
Hal Jordan

The result of all this? NO ONE CARES.

5) Batman's death didn't even happen in his own book.

One might hope that the death of Batman would be the result of a long series of events that reflect the life and themes of the caped crusader. That there might be some sort of, I don't know, EMOTION associated with this character's death.

Nope! Batman dies shooting an evil god alien with a space-gun, thus burning his body to a cinder and sending his alternate self to another multiverse, where he will live out his days in suffering. OMGWTFLOL. So is he even dead? How can we have an emotional reaction to something so convoluted? I would hate to write his eulogy.

I would like to close this rant by saying, I love Grant Morrisson. I don't blame any of this on him. I blame the editors at the top who thought it would be a good idea to have Bruce Wayne die at the end of a immensely complicated "Crisis Event" that was clearly a financial and critical failure from the first few months of it's release. Could they not have just bailed out, and thrown a new ending on? Saved the Batman death for later, when maybe it could evoke some sort of emotion in it's readers other than, "That's it?"

The Death of Batman could have been a heartbreaking story. Batman is a deeply sad character who in many ways, I think, has always longed for death. For retirement. For escape. I'm sure his fans can imagine millions of ways that the Dark Knight could have gone out that would have made them cry their eyes out. But that opportunity is gone now, and can never be regained. Even after Bats gets resurrected, there's no death like the first death. They blew it.

Oh well, there's always fanfic.


PS, the title of this post is taken from a lovely LCD Soundsystem Song. Here is a video of Kermit singing it: