Ads Give Frightning Glance Into The Inner Lives of Social Networkers

These sort of "look at great things you could be texting RIGHT NOW" ads have been popular for a while, but I found some items in this specific campaign by...uh, blackberry, I think?...particularly disturbing.

So it seems that Mr. Brandon Childress has posted the following as his status update: "about to close a big deal, which makes me a big deal. Ha ha."

This is the most depressing status update I've ever read.  Let's break it down.

Charting Tim Burton's Hits and Misses

After watching the Alice in Wonderland trailer, I started thinking about Tim Burton. What's his problem, anyway? What went wrong? I believe all questions can be solved with over analysis and charts, so...


Alice in Wonderland appears to be headed for the fearful nexus of visually stylized camp, but hope springs eternal.

Anakin Skywalker: The Fan Dub

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a fevered analysis on the shared and disperate qualties of Luke and Anakin Skywalker. The conclusion was Anakin is a horrible, horrible person but also a victim of circumstance, because his formative years were a trauma-inducing roller coaster of highs, lows, and constant dehumanization.

There Will Be Brawl: In-Jokes, Analysis, and Serious Geeking Out

By now, most web-savvy gamers (is there any other kind?) are well-acquainted with the newly minted classic, There Will Be Brawl. If you haven't seen it already, check it out above (mildly NSFW). It's a grim, Noir-ish look into the Mushroom Kingdom, and features awesome production values and appearances by the biggest names in Smash Brothers history (and those who aren't in Episode 1 are on their way...we hear the Pokemon Trainer is next up for the spotlight! Can Pikachu be far behind?).

I recently wrote a detailed review of the show, which you can read at Tilzy.TV. But more importantly, our resident Nintendo specialist Degan was good enough to take meticulous notes on the series, including annotations for the show's many in-jokes and references. You can play the video and read along, or just skim through to see all the nerdy references you may have missed the first time.

• Abductions and mutilations? I'm not sure if this is a yet-to-be-revealed plot point or a reference to some character i'm not thinking of... are the abductions referencing the weird trophy-fying gun that Bowser uses on the characters in the brawl story mode?
• Toad people! Its not the mushroom kingdom without Toads!
• I believe the first Noir music cue is a tune from Mario 2.
• Wii fit ad a nice touch ("unseen arbiter").
• Creepy mask guy in the hallway is from Mario 2.
• "Pileup on Moonview Highway to Moo Moo meadows" is from Mario Kart.

More after the jump? You better believe it.

• Lakitu newscaster is from a bunch of games, but the fact that he's a newscaster is a reference to Mario Kart, where he's the cameraman for the instant replays, and fishes you out after you throw yourself off a cliff. Here, he's complete with fishing pole, and if you look closely you'll see his desk is cloud with eyes.
  
• Luigi's drinking the classic red health potion (I believe first seen in Zelda-but its such a video game convention that I'm not even sure anymore). [edit: there's some debate on the TWBB forums about this potion... many there seem to think its the warp potion from Mario 2... I still maintain that it's regular old health potion. For one, they never drank the warp potions... they threw them on the ground to create doors! So in the context of the scene, it doesn't make much sense for Luigi to be drinking a warp potion... unless he's trying to commit suicide by "internal door".]
  
• Police chief Link and his "Hylean" brand justice-reference to Lake Hylia in Hyrule... apparently an authoritarian police state... never knew. [edit: apparently the "Hylians" are the people of Hyrule... not just lake Hylia]
  
• Awesome violin Mario music that starts as the Mario Death tune and leads into the classic Mario Theme!
• Power up boxes! sweet! And power up mushrooms complete with Mario World sound effects!
• Wario's awesome! And those ice climbers are super creepy... why does Nana need a monobrow?!?
• Roy and Pichu are two characters who didn't make into the line-up for Smash Brothers Brawl...now we know why.
  
• More reference to the mutilations and "tiny guts"? Is that just cause Pichu is tiny... or is there some shrinking thing I'm not picking up?
• Blinking Wario growth a nice touch too
• "Tunic-wearing fairy"- nasty way to refer to Link... "his pigs"? Either just your typical slur for police or possibly a reference to the pigs of Ness' New Pork City? Are there even pigs there though? I don't know...
• Mario Dungeon Theme when Mario confronts Wario and Luigi (actually its the Haunted House theme from Mario World)
• I love the princess' undercover-celebrity-glasses and hoodie! At first I thought the princess was terribly acted... then i realized she's trying to do that obnoxious high-pitched monosyllabic speaking style she always has in the games... pretty clever.
• Mario's medical practice! Dr. Mario reference, natch. [edit: it only just occurred to us the reason for Mario's "failed medical practice"... Dr. Mario isn't featured in Brawl-it's how they killed him off (like they did Pichu, Roy, and MewTwo)]
  
• Shrinking noise from Super Mario World when Mario attacks Wario.
• Ha, "Been a referee (Punchout), been a doctor (obviously Dr. Mario)". Man, Mario's been around.
• Is there tension between Waluigi and Wario? He seems pretty touchy about the issue.
• Awesome awesome ringtone! Sonic Boom! The theme song from the barely played Sonic CD for the even more barely owned SegaCD (I think I owned the only one) I guess that means she's in contact with Sonic... Also surprising they used this since I was one of 7 people who owned SegaCD.
• Ha, "dance around in your skin!" Cause that's kinda what Kirby does!
• "Her own court anymore?" And since when have the Mario Bros not been useful? Not sure if these are game references or again, yet-to-be-revealed plot points...
• Megavitamins.... that's what Dr. Mario used!
• Kirby's a scary freak!

That he is, Degan, that he is. No, seriously. When I had to check the credits for my review, I put my hand over the screen in case I went too far back and ended up on a still of him. Not joking, people.

The Dark Knight: Observations After Three Viewings

HUGE SPOILERS FOR TDK! But if you haven't seen Dark Knight yet, you probably don't even know what a Batman is and got here by mistake, so we shouldn't have any problems.

1. What are we meant to assume happens once the smoke grenade in the bank manager's mouth goes off? Will he die of asphyxiation? Will all the hostages die from some sort of toxin in the smoke? Is it just a hilarious non-lethal Joker gag? Let's scratch that last one off the list.

2. Despite the fact that the Joker is characterized in this movie as a knife-aficionado, he uses a huge variety of weapons, and only uses a knife about three times. His arsenal includes: shotgun, machine gun, rifle, bazooka, lead pipe, poison (by proxy), car bomb (by proxy), high explosives, and most memorably, a nice sharp pencil.

More thoughts and questions after the jump...(the best one is the last one)...

*Also more TDK icon samplers after the jump...click them to link to the creator's page.

3. Harvey is the second DA Rachel Dawes is seen having a relationship with (it's heavily implied in Batman Beyond). Considering she barely seems to know what a RICO case is, one might question what exactly they're keeping her around the office for.


4. At the fundraiser, Harvey asks Alfred if he's known Rachel for her whole life, and he charmingly replies, "Not yet, sir!". Oh Alfred. Just give it a day.

5. As Gnerd contributor Degan first pointed out, after Batman jumps out of the window to save Rachel, the rest of Bruce's guest are pretty much screwed, as they all are still stuck in a penthouse full of recovering thugs and, uh, THE JOKER. Anyone care to guess what happens next to Gotham's high society elite? "As long as I'm hee-rre...I know this KILLER party game." Haw. I suck. Anyone else got a better line? Come on, I know some of you write fanfic.

6. Heath Ledger must have had so many more incredible performances in him. Of course I realized this on my first viewing, but every viewing cuts a little deeper.

7. I didn't see that Joker had an I Believe In Harvey Dent sticker on his nurse's uniform until my third viewing. I'm dumb. But this is an important detail for anyone planning a Nurse Joker Halloween costume. Not that I am.


8. Given the fact that the murder of Bruce's parents is public knowledge, Harvey and Natasha must think him extraordinarily nihilistic to flippantly remark, "I grew up here, and I turned out okay."

9. Batman seems to have forgotten his loophole on villain deaths from the last movie, namely: "I won't kill you, but I don't have to save you". And yet he saves Joker from a high altitude death, thereby sealing the fate of, if DC comics are to be believed, THE ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION SEVERAL TIMES OVER. Maybe Bats was trying to pull a Gwen Stacy finishing move, but didn't count on The Joker's insanity-powered indestructibility.

One short of a proper top ten list...I can only hope some other helpful multi-viewer will help me out with another observation/nitpick/question.

Details on Portal 2 Surface, World Grinds To A Halt

Ooh boy. Grab some paper towels, Portal fans, cause this link may literally make you drool. Kotaku brings us the casting notice for a primary character in PORTAL 2, that's right, the sequel that Valve has been super tight-lipped about, that they said wouldn't be coming out until 2009. This notice includes a LOT of info about what we can expect from the sequel and one of it's main characters, who is neither GLaDOS nor Chell. It IS, however, someone that will ring a bell for crazyfans, but I won't say any more in case you think you can wait a year without getting spoiled about this sort of thing. You're only fooling YOURSELVES, people! Hit the link for the pic and character description, then come back for some classic Geekanerd analysis...

Fan theories and conjecture after the jump...


The character description indicates pretty strongly that the writers be using a similar format to the original; it sounds like Cave Johnson will guide you through the game much like GLAdOS does, as she could also be said to go from "sidekick to principal antagonist". I'd even go so far as to guess that we never see him (he is described as "dead", after all), and our only visual clue is portraits like these throughout the game. The fact that he's dead might be intended as a surprise, but whatever, I knew the ending of Portal Classic before I played it, and that did little to dampen the impact of how it all unfolded.

As the Kotaku article says, this sounds like a prequel. I think that's an excellent way to go about expanding the franchise, since both in-game dialogue and the aforementioned website give a ton of implied history to build on. It does present a possible problem in giving us new features of the Portal Gun, since presumably the model we've played with would be the best of all possible Portal Guns thus far. Maybe we'll see an experimental prototype with features that were later deemed unreasonably dangerous. And will we see a bustling new vision of Apeture labs, with labcoated people milling around? I kind of hope not, but we'll see.

And in all of this excitement, wither GLaDOS? And Chell, for that matter. Maybe we'll see in the background of Aperture Science at some point, verifying my personal theory that she's was a janitor. But since Cave is the "principal antagonist", we can assume GLaDOS will be regulated to a secondary role, if not less. I don't know if I can handle that kind of disappointment. But I can't believe the writers could resist the chance to give us a look at GLaDOS in her early stages; as the Aperture website states, she was originally created as an AI unit to run fuel-line de-icers. So depending on how far back in the Portal chronology we are, a glimpse at her first Neruo-Toxin massacre may be too much to ask.

This rant can also be found on our Portal Round-Up page, Portal Authority.

Video: 2008 Wiimbledon Wii Tennis Tournament

The final serves have been smashed and the final beers have been consumed and after a long hard day of Wiimbledoning we lonely bloggers are back at home licking our wounds and kicking back with a few cilona-extract death sticks. This year's event was great fun. All our old pals from last year were back, but also present was a whole bunch of new blood that absolutely stomped us old-timers into the ground. I don't think a single person in the final eight played in the tournament last year. Last year's champion Russ Yagoda was eliminated in his very first match by John, and Benjamin Melinger, the winner of the Lexus Wii Tennis Virtual Open champion, was defeated in his first match by John's roommate Steve (who also later beat me). So I guess my point is, today was a total shakedown wherein previous titles meant nothing and some real superstars were playing the best Wii Tennis this chump has ever seen.

The top prizes were some sweet bowling-style Wii carrying bags stuffed with games (ooh, how I wanted one!), and there was a big pile of rackets and headbands and shoes and stuff from Prince that were handed out as well. AHR snagged some sweet tennis kicks for being in the right place at the right time with the right sized feet.

Continuing a theme from last year, much of the floor space was taken up by video teams from various media outlets. C|Net, Rocketboom, Jace Hall, Internet Week, Bush League and a bunch more I never identified all had people there to capture the showdown of hipsters and geekanerds. No square media like last year, but that was probably for the best as it felt like a more intimate Brooklyn hoedown without the stuffed shirts prancing around.

Anyway, it was a helluva way to spend a 95-degree Saturday. Props must be given to Lane Buschel and Steve Bryant, the kind gentlemen who made it all happen for no better reason than "why the hell not?". They sure know how to throw a party.

Related: Our photo post.

Checking In On the MST3K Renaissance

Our man Fred, who brought us the controversial MST3K Cash-In Race article, gives an update on the plans and projects of the segmented MST3K alumni...

Last time we checked in, the former cast and crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 had split into three distinct camps, each embarking on a new MST3K-related project in a phenomenon we're calling either "The Renaissance of 2007" or "MST3K: The Great Cash-In Race," depending on our mood. For a quick primer on the players, click here. To see what what our friends are up to now (and to see who the current frontrunner is), read on...

Team Joel
On December 6th, Joel and his posse (Coniff, Beaulieu, Pehl, Weinstein) debuted Cinematic Titanic as a live show for a closed audience at Lucasfilm headquarters. There were a few accounts of the night posted throughout the MST3K webworld, and while most of them were big sloppy wet fanboy kisses (OMG, JOEL IN PERSON!!!), it bodes relatively well for Team Joel that their first outing was a success, even a softball success. Even more encouraging are the production stills posted at cinematictitanic.com. One shows Trace Beaulieu examining a promisingly good-looking prop (revealed, in the caption, to be a "TimeTube"). Another shows an impressive green-screened soundstage with the new silhouette setup. While it's hard to make solid judgments based on these, they firmly put to rest any notion that Team Joel will be half-assing it.

Still, not all is baked goods in the Titanicville: the initial release date of XMas 07 has been pushed back, with no new date announced. Sez Joel: "...there will be slight delay on the delivery date...once we got this curious new show on its feet, and were finally able to see it manifest in the real world, we realized we wanted to have a bit more fun playing with some of the creative ideas that emerged in the process." Translation: they got trigger happy with the release date. So while things are looking pretty good (this uninspired Frank Coniff strike video nonwithstanding), the delay is going to cost Hodgson and Co. the holiday gift-giving rush, and further delays will mean they'll miss out on the current media interest in all things MST3K.

Team Mike
Midwestern Nice Guy(tm) that he is, Mike Nelson came out of the gate with cries of "the more the merrier," jokingly suggesting in an interview with MSNBC that the various MST3K camps establish professional wrestling-style rivalries to increase the audience. However, a close reading of the transcript reveals some minor discomfort, with Mike offering up the occasional "we got there first" statement ("the more people doing the RiffTrax thing, the better") and calling the new MST3K.com "cute." Note also his telling omission when referring to "the new [site] that Jim and my buddy Paul put up." Mike, is Jim not your buddy?!

But we kid Team Mike, which, despite the aw-shucksing, has been quite busy. A number of new Rifftrax have been posted, including one for the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special, which coincidentally (or not?) was rumored to be Cinematic Titanic's first movie (it turned out to be 70's monster flick "Brain of Blood"). Mike and the Bots his RiffTrax friends Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy have also put together a holiday greeting video which is actually pretty funny until Murphy shows up and the whole thing takes a turn for the scatological. All of this is well and good, but the most significant developments have been two serious improvements to Rifftrax's content delivery scheme, which (aside from, let's face it, the occasionally mediocre writing) has always been its Achilles heel. First up is the free Rifftrax player, which will automatically synch up the film you're watching with its accompanying commentary track. Bravo! Now I won't have to sit there desperately fast-forwarding and rewinding to get that annoying toaster to synch up with Princess Amidala. Secondly, Rifftrax is teaming up with DivX to offer downloadable versions of the films that Legends owns, complete with pre-synched riffing (to entice fans to register, they're offering a free driver's ed short, "Signal 30"). In other words, despite all the doves and olive branches, Team Mike is streamlining its approach and battening its hatches. And in the midst of all this, someone has quietly added the tags "cinematic" and "titanic" to Rifftrax's YouTube previews.

Team Jim
Initially promising a new animated webisode posted every week, we're almost two months into the new MST3K.com and Team Jim has only delivered three (four if you count the short snippet of Crow/Servo dialogue posted on Thanksgiving). Hard to say exactly what's causing the delay, but fifty-foot waves of fan outrage can't be helping. While bringing original series writer Paul Chaplin on board to voice Crow was a good (if possibly cynical) decision and it hasn't hurt Mallon any, so far it hasn't shielded him from a healthy dose of messageboard ire (my favorite photoshopped piece of hate mail featured Mallon's face affixed to the Incredible Hulk's body). And while the generally tight-lipped Mallon doesn't seem like the type to bend to fan pressure, it's hard not to imagine that he and his minions are scrambling to come up with something to turn the tide. Perhaps the surest sign that this is the case: about two weeks into the new site, when the messageboard derision was reaching fever pitch, a poster claiming to be on Mallon's production team (his unfortunate psuedonym: "SHAD") took to the web to defend the new cartoons. He acknowledged the clumsiness of the site, avowed the team's Mistie cred, and generally offered promises that "If it doesn't get a heck of a lot funnier...we're out of here." Fair enough. I'll give them points for open communication and an obvious desire to improve the quality of the webisodes (not to mention the Space Mutiny-themed T-Shirt now sold in the store). But, as we all know, the path to Internet Webcomic Hell is paved with good intentions. And just in case you're wondering, the latest video sucks.

The Frontrunner: Team Mike!
Predictably, Team Jim has stumbled right out of the gate. Team Joel is showing good promise, but blowing its Xmas release date has cost it this lap. It's Mike's race to lose.

Special Prize: Satellite News. Revamping it's format and offering more regular updates, the unofficial (in name only) MST3K news clearinghouse has been on top of the '07 renaissance every step of the way. Despite the site's occasionally cloying "Guys! It's not a competition you guys!!!" appeal for peace, love and understanding, it's still the best thing going for Misties the world over. Kudos.

Honorable Mention: YouTube "Shreds" Videos

My vote for the most innovative internet adaptation of the MST3K concept.

Auuuhh!? Speed Racer Pics!

I wasn't too interested in this so called "Speed Racer Movie" until Albo told me that order to give the film an anime inspired look, the Wachowski's are shooting/compositing the movie with both the foreground and background of shots in focus, which essentially means this film will have unlimited depth of field, which may well cause a viewer's brain to spark and sizzle like a toaster with a fork in it. Did anyone out there read Infinite Jest? Speed Racer actually be The Entertainment.

Of course I could be wrong, maybe it'll just look real CG'd out. The film's environments are almost entirely green screen, as if you couldn't tell from the above still with those columns that look like a Windows 2000 desktop pattern. More interesting to me is that the character's costumes and hairstyles have been recreated with jarring accuracy, pictures and analysis after the jump...

Original story link via The Beat

Look at that hair! They nailed it! These pictures came from a USA Today article, which mentions that Speed's appearance will change throughout the movie, so don't expect him to be wearing that jaunty neckerchief the whole time (damn!). Racer X is looking very Matrix, but I suppose that can't be helped.

This shot is pretty cool, and immediately brings to mind the white-knuckled euphoria of Rainbow Road from Mario Kart. One phrase that keeps popping up in PR for this movie is "car-fu", which is supposedly a very innovative special-effects technique that could not have been created even one second sooner than now because it's just that advanced. I'm guessing it will be kind of like a cross between the Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle Motocross scene and Ben Hur.

The first thing I thought when I saw this still was, hey, they made Squirtle a boy? That's bullshit! But one Wikipedia search later I realized that A) Spritle has always been a boy and B) I've never actually seen a whole episode of Speed Racer. Like many members of my accursed generation, my only understanding of pre-1988 culture comes from pop culture parodies. In the USA Today Article, Christina Ricci mentions that she only knew about Speed Racer because of that Geico commercial. My whole idea of the show comes from this episode of Dexter's Lab...



Although in fairness to me, how is this kid not a girl?

I looked almost exactly like that when I was 4-9 years old, minus the hat and the monkey.

MST3K...And The Legend Continues

There's a storm a-brewin' in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 afterlife, and our resident MST3K expert Fraid is here to give you the run down...

Over the nine years following its cancellation, diehard fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 have been rewarded with a steady trickle of content from former cast members, ranging from the 'huh' (anyone know that Dr. Forrester ended up as a staff writer for America's Funniest Home Videos?) to the sorta kinda decently cool (Mike Nelson's Rifftrax project).

Last week however, the floodgates were officially opened, when Satellite News (the semi-official MST3K news site) announced the launch of TWO major MST3K-related projects, to be released this year. First up was the peppy declaration, splashed across the top of the homepage, that "The Bots Are Back!"

Details on the upcoming MST3k renaissance/gang war after the jump...

Jim Mallon, the show's executive producer, has teamed up with former staff writer Paul Chaplin to produce a series of web cartoons featuring Gyspy, Tom Servo, and Crow. Perhaps not coincidentally, it was also announced that these "webisodes" would be featured on a brand-spanking-new MST3K.com, which would feature a brand spanking-new MST3K store.

Hours later, Satellite News dropped another bombshell: original host Joel Hodgson was teaming up with a number of original cast members for a riff-based DVD project to be released by Christmas. Called "Cinematic Titanic" (say it three times fast), it will mark a return to the silhouette-based riffing conceit, although this time around the cast will be sitting on scaffolding alongside the horizontal edges of the screen. Titanic's bare bones site features a message from Joel, claiming that their first movie will "make 'Manos: the Hands of Fate" look like 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians' in a car wreck with 'Eegah!' with notes of peach." In the space of 24 hours, the creative team behind MST3K was neatly divided into three distinct camps.

MST3K: THE GREAT CASH-IN RACE

TEAM MIKE
The Players: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett, Bridget Jones Nelson
The Project: Rifftrax, The Film Crew
Strengths: Exposure, solid cast, a running start
Weaknesses: Geographic disparity (Nelson lives in San Diego, whereas Corbett and Murphy stayed in the Midwest)

TEAM JOEL
The Players: Joel Hodgson, Trace Bealieu, Frank Coniff, Mary Jo Pehl, Josh Weinstein
The Project: Cinematic Titanic
Strengths: Street cred, sheer numbers
Weaknesses: Late start

TEAM JIM
The Players: Jim Mallon, Paul Chaplin
The Project: "The Bots Are Back" webisodes
Strengths: The legal rights to the MST3K brand
Weaknesses: Lack of creative firepower

Yesterday morning, Team Jim fired its opening salvo: a three-minute web cartoon espousing the efficiency of sit-up kayaks. In it, Crow, voiced rather lamely by Paul Chaplin, fishes on a pristine lake that Servo (voiced by some random dude) notes is located behind the SOL's 'Neutron Capacitor.' Crow launches into a monologue regarding the positive qualities of his kayak, which Servo promptly capsizes with a jet ski. By way of finale, Gypsy pops out of the water and delivers a limp one-liner. If this sounds like a meaningless MST3K proxy designed to cynically draw traffic to a web store, well...that's basically what it is. The animation is half-assed, the voice work is uninspired (not to mention completely unfamiliar - what happened to Bill Corbett? Or Trace Bealieu for that matter?), and the jokes wouldn't pass muster at a high school talent show. It's MST3K in name (and copyright) only.

We won't see the fruit of Team Joel's labor until Christmas. However, Cinematic Titanic will stage a live show in early December for employees of Lucasfilm. It's closed to the public, but early reviews will undoubtedly trickle out, so keep watching the blogs. As for Team Mike, there's been no official statement as of yet. However, given this flurry of new developments, the unspoken tensions between various cast members are sure to start bubbling over. Not to mention the widespread resentment many of the team apparently feel for Mallon, who has earned a reputation as a something miser and a spoilsport (he alone collects revenue from Rhino's DVD releases, and it has been hinted that he has occasionally threatened legal action if any of the former MSTers post-show projects veer too close to the original).** It'll all be chronicled here, as Geekanerd's coverage of "MST3K: The Cash-In Era" continues.

**CORRECTION 11/19/07: The author wishes to apologize for a misstatementregarding Mr. Jim Mallon. In fact, Geekanerd cannot say withcertainty that Mr. Mallon is the only beneficiary of the Rhino DVDreissues of MST3K episodes. In recent interviews, Joel Hodgson andKevin Murphy have both made reference to receiving paychecks from BestBrains Inc., which would presumably come from DVD sales. However, theessential notion that Mr. Mallon receives the lion's share of theroyalty money is still almost certainly true, and the New York Timeshas it on record that Mike Nelson does not receive a cut(http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/06/arts/television/06newm.html).