Panel Discussion: Comedy Edition! Scans From Dark Reign: Fantastic Four, Hack/Slash, Irredeemable and More!

One-Liner of the Week - Dark Reign: Fantastic 4 #2
Here we find the Fantastic Four in an alternate reality where Sue Storm holds court as a tyrannical monarch. The second panel of a monacled and dandified Thing contains the best one-liner of the week. It is perfect in it's corniness. If I had a Livejournal account, I would have just found a new icon.

Classic Gag - Deadpool: Games of Death #1
Okay this is more of an Samurai Movie Trope, but since it's in a Deadpool book it instantly BECOMES a comedy classic. I know I've seen this sort of move a million times in movies, but I couldn't think of one example. If you have one, please let me know in the comments. PS: Googling "cut in half samurai sword" returns some really unfortunate news articles.



Best Acting - Hack/Slash #21
This is another comedy classic! It's the old," dumb wimpy character freaks out and unadvisedly hits the superbadass character" bit. And everyone is like, "OH. SHIT." I particularly like Cassie's expression in the upper right hand corner. Shocked indignation, with just a tinge of homicidal rage. Love it.

Worst Superhero Names - Irredeemable #1
I sympathize with how hard it must be for writers to keep coming up with new superhero names everytime they want to invent an alternate reality to play around in. But to Scylla and Charybdis, I say if you are going to name yourself after some mythological monsters, try not to pick two that sound like STDs. And Gilgamos doesn't sound any better than Gilgamesh - let's drop the facade. Volt is fine, but I don't think citing this as parody excuses inventing yet another electricity powered black superhero.

Panel Discussion: Scans From Thunderbolts, Hack/Slash, Black Lightning and More

Movie Moment - Street Fighter Turbo #3
Here, Mexicano street fighter El Fuerte knocks a frying pan on American Eagle's head, but the fight is resolved because the food is just that freakin' good (also, Native American pride).

We've got some major league Robert Rodriguez fans here at Gnerd, so we were quick to spot this Once Upon A Time In Mexico reference. In that movie, Johnny Depp kills a cook because his spin on this VERY SAME dish is just to damn good to exist.

Writer Ken Siu-Chong must be a Rodgriguez fan, but he's clearly never had the dish in question, cause it's actually spelled Puerco P-I-B-I-L, not P-E-P-I-L. BUSTED! Eh, it's all good ese! Here's the recipe for those of you playing at home, courtesy of the man himself.



Sexy Prezes, Sexy Lezes, Violence, and a Scary Looking Dog, after the jump...


Unnecessary Roughness - Black Lightning #2

This kid isn't like, a child rapist or anything. He's a small time dealer. And here's Black Lightning smashing his face into a window frame not once, but TWICE, before even asking him any questions! That's some Gitmo shit right there. Even Batman usually just hangs people upside down or something.

Project Runway Award - Thunderbolts #128
Whoa! Lookin good, Mister O! Last time we saw the Prez in the Marvel universe, he was looking like a big eared square. Now, he's rocking some sweet shades and even sweeter shading, courtesy of artist Roberto De La Torre. Now that's change I can believe in!

Character of the Week - Pooch, Hack/Slash #19
Ah, Pooch. Over the last year we've come to know and love this dumb, hateful, servile and self pitying little demon horse/dog. But before this issue, we have never understood his most endearing quality; loyalty. Pooch sacrifices himself to a demon asassin to protect his master, his master's friends, and even the other dogs at his master's kennel. He ends up frozen and dying alone on a rock, hoping only that when his master finds him, "he will pet the corpse of his loyal Pooch". Spoiler Alert: Pooch survives, but if he didn't, this would have been a tearjerker to rival this mess.

Beatdown of the Week - Black Lightning #2
Not so much a beatdown, but a single kick that takes out no less than FOUR GUYS!


Banana Randomizer Award for Achievement in WTF - Star Trek: Countdown #1
WHAT?! This is supposed to be a PREQUEL to the Star Trek movie, in which Kirk and co are like, 20-somethings. And here's Data as the CAPTAIN of the Enterprise? And is that Tasha Yar? What? What? Screw this. None of the real Enterprise crew was even in this piece of crap, it was all about some Romulans in their stupid bathrobes. Uch. Tie-Ins at their worst, right here.

Wait, What? - Hack/Slash #19

This is hot, but why has Margaret never kissed a girl before? I thought she was a lesbian. CASSIE is the one who has never kissed a girl before. No? Is this an editorial mistake, or did I miss something? Either way, hot.

Most Extreme Foreshortening - Thunderbolts #128
This is almost some cool Aeon Flux looking stuff going on here...but man she's got a big head.

Panel Discussion: Scans from Batman, Hack/Slash, Secret Invasion and More

Most Surprising Revelation - Batman #682
Who's that dapper momma's boy? Why it's that nice billionaire fellow, Bruce Wayne. You know, the gentleman that nothing bad ever happened to? In this alternate universe fantasy, we see that without the traumatic murder of his parents, Bruce Wayne would be...Clark Kent.

Disappointing sex, questionable cameos and rats... Lots of rats... After the jump.

Most Disappointing Sex Scene - Hack/Slash #18
The character design in Hack/Slash is one of the series' most endearing qualities. The girls have tons of personality, and resemble real people a lot more than most comic girls. And they're super cute.
So, imagine my delight when our bi-curious heroine Cassie finally decides to go all the way with her lesbian pal. HAWTHAWTHAWT! BRING IT ON!
Annnnd....what? This issue was actually drawn by regular Emily Stone AND backup artist Kevin Mellon, the latter of which ended doing all the sexy stuff. And unfortunately, his art is generic and totally ices the heat that should be emanating from this long awaited scene.

Cameo Alert? - Hack/Slash #18
So in this week's issue of Hack/Slash, one of the characters is attacked by a bunch of characters from...something? I see the Toxic Avenger, someone who really looks like the Amazing Wolfman, something that kind of looks like Spawn...um...the House Bunny....and some sort of weird Scud knock-off? Milk & Cheese show up later, are any of these other guys real characters?

Asking Too Much... - Secret Invasion #8
Alright, so the end of Secret Invasion puts Norman Osborn in charge of everything. He's the new Tony Stark, the leader of the Avengers and the Initiative. Ok... Everybody who's anybody knows this guy is the Green Goblin! Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but this is just ridiculous storytelling!

Creepiest Moment - Amazing Spider-Man #579
The setup here is that a bunch of people are stuck in a dark subway tunnel, and Spider-Man is pulling them up a shaft all at once and there's only one light and even though Spidey is making all sorts of troubled noises he insists the light be kept on the people he's rescuing. When they finally find another flashlight and shine it his way, we find out why he's been grunting so much. Ew.

Somebody Call PETA - Amazing Spider-Man #579
In follow up to the previous panel, Spidey kills all the rats by activating the Shocker's vibraglove (or whatever that thing's called... vibraglove sounds like a bachelorette party gag gift).

Can I Just Say Again... - Amazing Spider Man #579...how much I love Marcos Martin's Spider-Man art? I can? This is my blog? Ok, good.

Somebody Didn't Get the Memo - Iron Man / Hulk / Fury #1
Looks like whoever drew this movie tie-in didn't get the memo that Terrence Howard is out and Don Cheadle is in as Rhodey.

Snap Judgements: Batman and the Outsiders #10, Hack/Slash #15, and Birds of Prey #121

Short comic reviews based on initial, lizard-brain opinions. Arranged from BEST to WORST.

There are very minor SPOILERS herein.

Hack/Slash #15 gets an A from AHR
Hey did you guys know there's this movie called "Re-Animator" by some old guy named HP Lovecraft and it has ZOMBIES in it? This issue of Hack/Slash is a cross-over with that, and even if you're like me and have no Cult Horror credits in your nerd account, this issue is still awesome.

Instead of being a one-off shlockfest as per your usual crossover, this ish has tons of tantalizing reveals about Cassie's past, and weaves the Re-Animator stuff in seamlessly (hopefully fans of the movie will feel the same way). Even though this seems to be the beginning of the end of Hack/Slash's over-arching storyline, I'd recommend that even n00bs to pick it up; you'll miss the "fan"-tastic continuity details (sorry), but it gives you a great overview of the plot and a good cliffhanger, and if you like it you can go back and read the whole thing. Good plan. Break!

Two much shorter reviews for DC books after the jump...


Birds of Prey #121 gets an B from AHR

I admit, I haven't read this series since Gail Simone left, I only read this because Joker was on the cover shooting someone in the head. And you know, the inside didn't really disappoint. There's some bad dialogue, sure, but there's also a line about how the Joker did whippets with Scarecrow's fear gas, which is both hilarious and a fun reference to a comic from years ago. Not sure what the rest of the plot in this issue means, but I got my money's worth.


Batman and the Outsiders #10 gets an D from AHR


I read this on Wednesday and now on Thursday night, I have almost no memory of it. I remember being passively interested when I was reading it, and I remember that Cass Cain gets to do something other than be hated by everyone, but other than that, literally forgettable. And I haven't even been drinking.

Panel Discussion: Scans from Hack/Slash #11, Batman #675, and Countdown #1

Every week we at Geekanerd rip panels from our comics and put them on display here, recognizing the best, worst, and weirdest moments of the week. Beware some major SPOILERS.

Click the pics for high res goodness!

Only In Comics: Hack/Slash #11
You know you're reading a comic book when a girl like that gives a look like that to a dude wearing a replica Star Trek uniform. Also unlikely; that a guy with such model-esque looks would be wearing a Star Trek uniform in the first place. But this part of why we read comics; they're better than real life.

After the jump, farewell to Countdown and Bruce Wayne just like we like him; violently insane!

Writer Self-Commentary: Countdown #1
This may not in fact be meta-commentary, but I'd guess that many folks on the Countdown team are glad to be done with what must have been a pretty unrewarding book to work on. That and Donna and Co's laughably self-important hero stances makes me think that Ray Palmer speaks for the DC creatives as well as DC readers.

Best Actor: Bruce Wayne, Batman #675

These panels could also be filed under our "Clearest Example of Batman's Insanity" catagory, but I really want to give props to artist Ryan Benjamin, whose work I've had problems with in the past, but who really brings it with his depiction of Bruce Wayne going from smarmy jerk to monstrous bat-demon.
First we get several of these shit-eating grins as Bruce attempts to smooth things over with his girlfriend...

But as she presses him on his increasingly evident dark side, the cracks begin to show...


This pic is a little silly, but I love how Bruce's bulk is accentuated and his eyes are just black silvers of nothingness...almost fully into Bat territory here...

One terrorist attack later, Bruce goes Bat for reals, sans costume. Nothing scarier than Batman with out the cowl.
This classic splash panel makes no apologies. Lightning crashing in the night sky before the bat signal? I'll take it!

Snap Judgments: Quickie Comic Reviews for 4/23/08

Short comic reviews based on initial, lizard-brain opinions. There are probably some spoilers herein. Arranged from BEST to WORST.

Batman #675 gets an A from AHR
Excellent emotionally-charged art from Ryan Benjamin, and a story from Grant Morrison that on one hand feels like covered ground (Bruce's girlfriend senses a dark side), but on the other is done with a raw sense of urgency and ugliness that indicates a very dark road to come in the R.I.P. storyline.

Hack/Slash #11 gets an A from AHR
I dropped off this book for a while cause I thought it was getting a little cheeseball. But this issue is great; it picks up on old plot threads, yet also has a simple, impacting done-in-one storyline. It's nowhere near as depressing as the last issue, but still maintains some emotional depth around main character Cassie, who is thoughtful and reserved about her sexuality in a way that's highly unusual for an ass-kicking comic heroine to be. I'm hooked again.

Ultimate Spider-Man #121, Fall of Cthulhu #11, The Spirit #16, Countdown #01 and Flash Gordon #0 all after the jump!

Ultimate Spider-Man #121 gets an A from Albo
I haven't read an issue of this comic since the first couple of years it was on the stands. I never could get past Bagley's art to fully enjoy Bendis' great storytelling. Now Bagley is gone and the team of Stuart Immonen and Wade von Grawbadger are producing some really great stuff. They are capable of drawing teenage kids that actually look like teenage kids and have oodles of personality. Oh yeah, and Bendis is still a great writer.

Fall of Cthulhu #11 gets a B from Albo
I picked up Cthulhu Tales on a whim last week and really enjoyed it, so I took a chance and hopped onto this book to see if it provided the same level of solid horror storytelling. The verdict: Pretty much. It doesn't really do anything new, but the ominous sense that the people in this small town are about to face some truly horrific shit provides a chilly enjoyment.

The Spirit #16 gets a C from Albo
*Sigh* I miss Darwyn Cooke. This tale is such a by-the-numbers murder mystery you wonder why they bothered.

Countdown #01 gets a D+ from AHR
This issue opens with Jimmy Olsen recounting a bad dream in which he was given the impossible task of writing a good story about the post-52 multiverse. Get it? Bet the fans who bought this crap every week for a year are loving that one. Though apparently Harley and Holly Robinson are living together now, so maybe it was all worth it.

Flash Gordon #0 gets an F from Albo
Oh God why? The storytelling in this preview book is nonsense. The art looks like the anime crap you can find painstakingly scrawled on notepaper in every high school in America. And not content to just draw poorly, the artist reuses the same drawings over and over again. Not in succession or for comedic effect but just whenever he doesn't have the energy to draw a character's face again. Which for some reason is a lot. You'll see what I mean when we do Panel Discussion this weekend.

Panel Discussion: Commendations and Condemnations From This Week's Comics

Click these suckas for hi-res action, and beware SPOILERS... ye.

Most Inept Security - Whoever Let Dr. Doom in the Door, The Last Fantastic Four Story
"I'll still find a way to crush them someday! But for now I'll just clap politely." CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK.

Panels from Teen Titans, Hack/Slash, and the Batman Annual after the jump...

Best Cameo - Tiny Titans, Teen Titans #50
Hey, that's no TV show! That's Marv Wolfman's new comics-for-kids series, Tiny Titans! I do like the idea that after spending all day fighting crime with his friends, Bart liked to unwind by watching fictionalized cartoon accounts of his own adventures. May he rest in peace for however many months it takes DC to bring him back.

Best Assertion of Female Empowerment - Hack/Slash #4
Those Heroes for Hire girls could learn a thing or two from this panel.

Sleazoid Move Alert - Wonder Girl, Teen Titans #50
CASSIE! I'm surprised at you. Tim's friends and family are dropping like flies, so you wait for him to get all weepy and vulnerable, and then BANG, you're all over him like SPF 15. Perhaps she, like the ancient gods of Greek mythology, finally realized there's nothing stopping her from taking exactly what she wants from these mortal boys.

Triple Frown Achievement in Bizarre Dialogue - Batman Annual #26

I know for a fact Peter Milligan is a good writer, so what's up with these cringeworthy exchanges?
"We don't want you skipping to the end!" Huh? She's calling the White Ghost on his confusing (and stilted plot necessitated) actions and he retorts by seriously saying (while wearing a white robe in a cave guarded by ninjas or someshit) that he doesn't want her reading ahead? I think a certain amount of solemnity should be required when one is torchlit. And then their little "embroidery" exchange? It sounds like a student film.
I could say the same about you, you little scamp. Forgivable because it's just the kind of thing an adolescent could think sounds cool but is actually incredibly stupid. Like when I told my mom "Time is money, and you owe me a lot.""By the look of these droppings the bodies have been here almost two weeks." WHAT?! What droppings?! Are the droppings on the bodies? Are they the droppings of the dead ecologists? There are two dead bodies in a creek, what the shit kinda excretory evidence can he possibly be referencing?

Read all of our past Panel Discussions!

Snap Judgements: Hack/Slash, Teen Titans, The Four Horsemen, Avengers: The Initiative

On Thursdays, the Geekanerd staff gives you Triple S comic reviews - short, sweet, and spoiler-free.

Hulk Smash Feelings of Self Doubt! - Avengers: The Initiative #5

Marvel's best book on the stands continues to deliver interesting character-driven action, but sags a bit under the weight of the Incredibly Angry Hulk. Isn't World War Hulk over yet? We already know he doesn't destroy the world. The sooner the Marvel Universe's heroes can get back to their own plotlines, the better.

This issue is about Trauma, the omega level Initiative recruit with the Fallout Boy haircut. His "I Know What You're Afraid Of" power has provided a lot of insight into some of our favorite Marvel Characters over the last several issues (Henry Pym's fear of being forever remembered as a wife-beater just because of some damn thing that happened in an ULTIMATES BOOK for godsake was particularly fun), and here's the moment we've all been waiting for - Trauma vs The Hulk. What's the Green Guy really afraid of? To me, the answer is a let-down. To others, including serious Hulk fans, it may be the only acceptable answer.

In the build-up to the big showdown, we meet some new Black Ops Initiative recruits, all of whom are very elite and top secret, but who do not come equipped with interesting personalities. This makes for some very bland team-building sequences, with only a particularly insufferable H.P Gyrich to keep us awake.

Dan Slott has set the bar on this book very high, and the quality of the art and writing is still beyond most mainstream books. But the issue feels too thin without a central focus on the Teen Team that Slott done such a great job developing.

Spotlight on Trauma - Who Are These Old Guys? + Hardball is Still a Dick = B-

Teen Titans, Hack/Slash, and The Four Horsemen after the jump...

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello - Teen Titans #50
At last, a proper farewell to Bart Allen. His funeral in Countdown was a a pretty dry affair (and attended by some less than well-behaved guests), but here the Titans remember Bart on a more personal level, complete with multi-artist flashbacks. Whether you're a long-time Impulse fan or have only a casual knowledge of the littlest Flash, you get an acute sense of what he meant to the team. Luckily it's not all boo-hoos, we get some refreshing cynicism from Ravager (/crush) and a predictably ill-concieved attempt at emotional counseling by Martian Manhuntgirl.

The flashbacks weave into the story with ease, and peak with a stand-alone interlude about Wally West by George Perez. The only misstep is an off-putting section in the middle which features seven pages from last week's Blue Beetle, redrawn by Randy Green. Granted, it's kind of neat to see the same scene re-interpreted by a new artist, but what's really jarring are several minor but significant changes in the dialogue. In Blue Beetle #18, Robin was perfectly chummy in suggesting Beetle train with the Titans, but here he pulls out some Bat-Daddy style browbeating. Wha happa? Was there a change in the script between the two book's printing dates, or did the TT editing crew change John Rogers' script to suit their own story purposes? The change isn't bad, but which version is cannon? Can we blame this continuity glitch on Superboy, or is it Mister Mind's fault now?

A Fond Farewell + Diverse Art + Mourning Mishaps - Repackaged Beetle = B

Bang Bang Rock 'n' Roll - Hack/Slash #4

Like books where hot chicks kill monsters? Pick up this book. Hate books where hot chicks kill monsters? You'll probably still like it, because it's just that good. Hack/Slash has a winning high concept - a victim of a Freddie-style slasher becomes a vigilante out to kill serial killers; it goes without saying she's a hot chick and has a hulking brute-force sidekick. But while the series has delivers plenty of pulp slasher thrills, the protagonists turn out to be two of the most surprising characters you're likely to find in mainstream comics.

This issue is the last in the series' first arc, and it's satisfying in the way only a baddie-busting vigilante comic can be. The villains of this storyline have been a bunch of spoiled, rock star devil worshippers, and it's very nice to see them get what's coming to them. New readers should probably wait for the trade, or hell, go pick up the first four issues. They're worth it.

Scary Monsters + Tough Ladies + Satisfying Finale = A-


So Much For Escapism - The Four Horsemen #1

Say what you will about Countdown, at least it's made us all appreciate 52 a little more. 52 could be over-the-top and messy even for an event book, but it was rarely boring. Take the Four Horsemen storyline - living embodiments of Famine, Death, War and Pestilence created by the DCU's finest mad scientists. Why? Because a giant Asian Egg Monster told them to. This is the sort of thing you just don't get from Marvel. And now The Four Horsemen have a book all to themselves, with the Big Three for protagonists. All signs point to yes.

Or not. Perhaps my expectations were colored by how much I've been enjoying writer Adam Beechen's rollicking run on Robin. There's no fun to be had here, as the plot deals with aftermath of the genocidal destruction of the DC nation of Bialyia, perpetrated by Black Adam in one of the more cringe-worthy plot threads of 52. Given the real life genocides and ethnic cleansing happening around the world right now, the mood of this comic is understandably dire. But nothing meaningful is said about the relief effort this comic uses as a plot device, nor does Beechen bring anything new to the question of what the role of the Superhero is in times of mass destruction. At one point, Bialiya's leader asks why Superman and the Flash don't just circle the globe until they find the person responsible. Well? I wish these kinds of practical questions were answered, but they're not.

Oppressively Bleak Atmosphere - Lack of Insight + Veronica Cale Still on Oolong Island = C-